


Lead Us Not Into Temptation

by Glass_Oceans



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Choking, I'm going to the special hell, Inappropriate use of anointing oil, M/M, Mmm sacrilegious, Priest!Kylo, sin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:37:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9589139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glass_Oceans/pseuds/Glass_Oceans
Summary: Father Kylo Ren hears a confession that takes an unexpected turn.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was created for this [kylux hard kinks prompt](http://kyluxhardkinks.tumblr.com/post/153968523392/hux-has-a-crush-on-the-priest-at-his-towns-church).
> 
> Chapter specific tags: Mention of self-flagellation, mention of self-harm

Kylo lifted his face to the sun, breathing deeply as he pulled his apartment door closed behind him. A couple of early autumn leaves blew past him as he made his way over to the church door, though the day still held the summer's warmth. 

Laying his hand on the heavy wooden door, it gave easily as he pushed. It was never locked as a matter of principle: all were welcome, at all times. He left the door open now to encourage people in, even if it would mean extra work for him later in sweeping the aisle of leaves. 

Two of his congregation already sat in the church, and he stopped to speak with them, pressing hands, smiling with them as he was told of grandchildren and troubles. Easy things to pass the time before they spoke to him privately. 

With the church so empty, he tried to ease his heart as he completed his path, pausing to kneel and offer a brief prayer in front of the altar, before crossing to the private room set to one side to begin his preparations. 

The small room was as old as the church building itself, and suffered an appalling lack of heat; something he was grateful for during the summer, and grateful again for the calm the cold tiles would bring him. 

Kylo's hands steadied as he began to undo the buttons on his shirt. He pulled it off gently, wincing as the fresh scars pulled at the skin along his back. He folded the shirt, setting it down on the single chair in his personal chapel, before opening his belt and trousers, sliding them down his legs before adding them to the pile of clothing on the chair.  
Naked but for the small wooden crucifix he wore, he knelt on the cold tiles, already feeling their chill creep up through his abused joints. Slowly he spread himself out on the floor, arms held cruciform, cross pressing painfully into the flesh of this chest as he lay down, chin resting on the floor so in his discomfort he could look upon the images in the single stained glass window of this room. Every day for a month he had prostrated himself on this floor, and he would continue to do so until the temptation ebbed. 

"Heavenly Father," he began, his voice strained from the angle of this throat against the tile. "Please, forgive this, your most humble servant."

Kylo's voice dropped low as he continued, an echoing drone in the small room, soothing him as he prayed for strength, begged to pass this test the Lord had set before him. As his muscles began to contract with the cold, and the drone of the room settled into his mind, he could almost banish those thoughts that drove him to scourge himself in this way. When he felt enough time had passed, he closed his eyes and maintained his chant for a while longer, to ensure he had given up enough of himself to atone for his thoughts. 

His muscles protested as he pulled himself upright again, kneeling as he flexed the muscles of his back to pull at the scars he had inflicted there. They were still too fresh to risk lashing himself again lest he leave himself unable to tend to his flock, but he found himself wishing for the bright sting of pain as he reached for his clothes. The pain made it easier to not look towards temptation in the first place. 

When finally he was dressed in his vestments, collar carefully in place, he opened the door from his private chapel to return to the main church. He turned to the altar, genuflecting and crossing himself, offering up a final plea for strength as he turned. A few more of his congregation were scattered amongst the pews, kneeling or sitting, offering up prayers of their own as they waited, their muttered words and the clack of rosaries in their fingers drifting through the echoing silence of the building. Father Kylo Ren cast his eye gently over them, and told himself he was not relieved that nowhere was hair the colour of flame to be seen. 

Taking a breath, he passed down the church, nodding greetings to the parishioners, before taking his place in the confessional box, and waiting for his people to come to him with their burdens.

* ** *** ** *

Kylo never noticed the time pass when hearing the sins of his parishioners. He found comfort in being able to offer them hope and atonement, even as he hoped his own service will provide ease him of his own burdens. He fingered his own rosary as he listened to their confessions, the beads a match of the crucifix worn around his neck, and he enjoyed the soft sounds the wood made each time he lifted his hand to make the sign of the cross over them, bidding them go forth and sin no more.

After the last old man had left, Kylo could hear the tread of his footsteps as he left the church even through the heavy velvet curtains that offer privacy to each confession. Silence fell. No new steps heralded the approach of another to the box, so Kylo took a few moments to mutter prayers for those sins he has heard already this evening, pressing the rosary to his lips. Engrossed in the task, he did not hear the box beside him open, and a new penitent kneel in place. 

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned."

Kylo jumped, both starting at the unexpected voice, and in recognition of who the voice belonged to. He took a moment to breathe, trying to calm his voice. He swallowed thickly, willing his throat to clear before he finally managed to reply.

"Go on, my child."

"It has been a week since my last confession. I.. Father, I continue to have impure thoughts."

Kylo closed his eyes, unwilling to look through the screen at the figure kneeling there. He knew all too well what he would see. Flame red hair that caught his eye and called to him during his weekly sermon, no matter where it was seated in the church. The redhead seemed like a beacon lit only for him. It took all the will he could muster week after week to tear his eyes away, to cast them over all of his people and not just the one his body sought to betray him for. The same man had been to confession often enough that Kylo knew a pair of ice-blue eyes lay under golden lashes, the contrast of fire and frost enough to captivate him, that it becomes harder and harder for him to look away each time he gave in to the desire to look. 

He stirred in his seat, flexing his back in such a way that the scarring there pulls, and it was enough to give him back his breath, just for a moment. 

"Do.. you wish to speak of them?"

"Father, I'm sorry. I... I try to be good, I try so hard. But I... I find myself having... having lustful thoughts for a man."

This last came out in a rush, as if the redhead feared that if he didn’t say it then, he never would. Kylo waited, but nothing else seemed to be forthcoming. He chanced a glance through the screen beside him, watching how the rays of light shining through the carved fretwork of the confessional door fell across his face just so. Kylo was captivated by the colour of his eyelashes, how they turned gold in the light, darker in the shadows. He felt it would be the most natural thing in the world to raise his hand so he could brush the pad of his thumb along their tips, cupping his cheek in his palm... 

Kylo screwed his eyes shut and turned his face away. His rosary clacked as he twisted it around his hand, willing his heartbeat to calm, and his body with it. 

"My child," he began, barely trusting his own voice, "do you.. love this man?"

He heard a rush of breath from beside him: a sigh? A laugh? 

"If you love him, there is no sin. Love is a sign of God's work, and there is no shame to be found there."

"I've never even spoken to him, not about this."

Kylo smiled, feeling himself here on firmer ground. He was young for a priest in his own parish, but it's something that has seemed to endear him to the younger and older members alike, who often came to him to seek his advice on family and relationships. That he himself was pledged only to the Church did not seem to diminish the advice he can offer to them. 

"If you have never spoken to him, how you can be so sure your thoughts are impure, and not simply the natural urges of your body?"

A pause again, but this time Kylo didn’t dare to look. He waited, passing the beads of his rosary between his fingers, running his short nails against the grain of the wood. The feel of wood had always been soothing to him, from days as a teen learning to split and joint pieces in his shop teacher’s class, until he felt the call to follow in the steps of a carpenter who came long before his time. 

He heard a small movement, and stilled his hands, not wanting to miss what might be whispered to him now. 

"Perhaps I do have a confession for you after all."

The tone surprised Kylo. Absent from it was the hesitance of before. There was almost a giddiness to his voice now. 

"Go on."

"I'm not a believer Father, I don't follow your faith."

"But you attend my sermons?"

"That doesn't prove anything."

"It should mean you've heard enough to know I welcome everyone who comes to this door, believer or not. If I can offer you solace I will."

"Solace?"

Kylo resisted again the temptation to look, merely nodding his head. 

"Even if I told you I only come to your services to watch the man I lust after?"

Kylo did look over at that, and met those blue eyes as they stared at him in direct challenge. Something approaching anger seemed to be written on his face, and Kylo could not resist the urge to tease him. 

"Well, you wouldn't be the first to have met his husband in such a way."

The man looked surprised by this response, flinching back as his forehead creased softly. His eyes moved rapidly, trying to discern as much of Kylo as he can through the screen keeping them apart. His forehead smoothed and he leaned forward again, tongue peeking from between his lips to wet them, slowly, capturing Kylo in their movement. 

"Shall I tell you about him, Father?"

Kylo swallowed thickly, unable to explain the sudden fear that gripped him. He could not so much as set his hands to moving on his rosary again, he could only breathe and be caught under that piercing gaze. 

"I come here to watch him, Father, every week. Everything about him speaks to me."

He leaned forward as he spoke, hands rising to grip the small shelf that joined their spaces, where the devout could pass him small items to be blessed as he heard their sins. 

"His hair is so lush and full that I can think of nothing but running my hands through it, wanting to stroke it and grasp it, use it to pull his face to mine so I can watch his eyes close as I kiss him."

He had leaned as close to the screen as he could get, his voice lowered with the closeness, and Kylo found himself unwittingly leaning towards the sound. 

"His clothing does nothing to hide the broadness of his shoulders, and I imagine myself holding onto them as he wrap his arms around me."

Kylo felt his own body respond as the man spoke. He couldn’t count the number of times he had stood in the church, offering the Eucharist, hands trembling as the redhead draws closer. Every time the man had accepted the offering into his mouth, and Kylo has woken from dreams in which the man took not the bread, but his fingers into his mouth, laving them with his tongue while Kylo brushed his thumb along the cupid's bow of his upper lip. 

"It is not just his body I crave... does that make it any better? I have heard him speak, I have heard his passion, seen his eyes aflame with the joy of his calling... did you know how captivating you are when you preach?"

Kylo felt the rosary slip from numb fingers to fall with a dull sound against the carpeted floor of the confessional. 

"Oh Father, you didn't know? You didn't realise it was you I wanted?"

His voice is high with laughter now, quickly smothered as he presses a hand to his mouth. 

"How could you not know? I've seen the way your eyes linger on me, drawing me in, how you always look for me at services. I've seen your eyes darken the closer I am to you."

He paused here, his eyes flickering over Kylo's face as he looked for a response. 

"Or were you deliberately denying yourself, tormenting us both in order to bring yourself closer to your god, seeking out your own brand of suffering."

"My child, while these.... urges are natural-"

"You do want me-"

"You must understand that this is something I cannot do."

"But-"

"I think it would be best if you left. I wish you no ill will from this, and I will pray for you as I do all souls, but in this I cannot help you."

Kylo waited for more argument, eyes shut against the tears that stung at the corners of his eyes. The moment seemed to stretch for an eternity, until finally he heard the quiet rustle of cloth, the click of the confessional door opening, then swinging closed, then silence. 

Kylo found himself letting go of the ragged breath he hadn't been aware he was holding. His eyes still prickled, but he allowed himself that, having come to the edge of his temptation and-

Kylo blinked, holding a hand up against the light as the door to his section of the box was thrown open. The tears already in his eyes blurred his vision, scattering the light so that it appeared in a halo about the red hair above him. 

The man stepped into the box, pulling the door behind him, crowding into Kylo's space to fit into the confines of the box. Kylo pressed himself back on his bench, wishing for the solidity of the rosary that lay forgotten at his feet. He tried to form prayers, but his lips would not obey, and he could do nothing but look at the terrible angel standing over him. 

"Do you know how I knew you wanted me?"

Kylo could not answer, could not move, could do nothing but await benediction or damnation. 

"You don't know my name, do you?"

Kylo started as the man's hands move to begin unbutton his own shirt, the dark fabric parting to reveal pale skin, a dusting of golden-red hair across his chest. 

"Father Ren, beloved by all, friend of the people."

The shirt fell to the ground, and his hands moved to undo his belt, moving swiftly to the buttons of his trousers, as Kylo followed every movement. 

"Everyone knows Father Ren, and he knows everyone. Everyone but me."

The groan caught in Kylo's throat as the redhead pushed his trousers and briefs down his legs together, slipping them off bare feet, before standing naked and glorious before him. His cock twitched as it swelled before his eyes, rising from the nest of golden-red hair between his legs.

"When you hadn't asked, after all this time, that's when I knew. I knew you would consider yourself without hope if you had a name to call when you spilled in your own fist at night. You considered your ignorance of my name to be the price of your salvation."

Kylo's will, hanging on a thread since the man knelt to confess his lust, now crumbled completely. As the man finished speaking, he found himself falling to his knees, hands rising to grasp at narrow hips to steady himself. He leaned forward, licking his lips, only to be stilled by the gentle touch of a hand on his jaw. 

"My name is Hux."

Kylo groaned as he opens his mouth to receive his sin. The head of Hux's cock was hot, and so much softer than he could have imagined. He ran his tongue over it again and again, comparing it to softest silk, before dropping his jaw and taking the whole of him into his mouth. 

Hux gasped above him, fisting both of his hands in Kylo's hair. By necessity Kylo was long unpracticed, but he made up for it with enthusiasm, welcoming the soreness as he eased Hux's cock against the back of his throat, sucking and pressing his tongue against the hot length. 

He drew back, opening his eyes to look up at Hux, feeling a thrill in his gut to find him looking adoringly down at him. 

_My angel_ , he thought, lifting a hand to work at Hux's shaft as he turned the attentions of his mouth to the head; tasting the precome that gathered there, sucking and bobbing his head in time with the motions of his hand, thinking only of this until he grazed his teeth across the head. With a hiss, Hux pulled him free. 

"Too much, Father, too much," he muttered, leaning down to kiss Kylo's swollen lips. 

"Kylo. Call me Kylo, please."

"Kylo," he smiled. "Sit back, I'm not done with you yet."

Kylo clambered to sit back on his hard, wooden bench, his hands coming to rest on Hux's waist as he settled onto his lap. Hux leaned forward, brushed the back of his hand against the front of his trousers where his erection strained against the seam, momentarily confusing Kylo when he reached to the side.

"On Thursday the older members of the congregation used to come to be blessed, to be annointed and removed of their aches" he says, reaching into his pocket. "Is that a tradition you still uphold? Ah, I see it is."

Hux withdrew, holding aloft the small bottle of oil Kylo keeps for blessing and anointing. Kylo blanched as Hux's intention became clear, to which Hux smiled wickedly. 

"If you'd prefer we can stop now" he said, sliding forward to grind his cock against Kylo's stomach, his voice a whisper. "I could come just like this, with the feel of your hands on my skin. But I'd much rather have you buried deep inside me."

Kylo groaned, pulling Hux's hips tight against him. Hux took this as assent, uncorking the bottle of olive oil, tipping it into his hand before reaching behind himself with oil slicked fingers. 

Kylo watched, fascinated, as Hux began to work himself open, breath hitching in Kylo's ear where Hux leaned against him. Kylo kissed almost absently at his neck, feeling his cock grow impossibly harder as two, then three fingers press inside the redhead, his pale skin flushed with the effort. 

Hux groaned as he withdrew his hand, and his pupils were wide as he looked at Kylo again. He pulled impatiently at Kylo's vestments, pushing the cloth out of the way to open his trousers and pull his cock free, wrapping his oil covered hand about it. 

Kylo's head fell back with the sensation, and he felt the moan tear its way from the very core of his body. He felt Hux move forward in his lap again, guiding him to his entrance, hair wild as he panted. 

"Will you give me solace?"

_My fallen angel..._

Kylo had never felt more helpless in his life as Hux began to sink down onto him. It had been so, so long since he had experienced this, the ecstasy of another man clenching hot and tight around him, it was all he could do not spend himself immediately. 

It was Hux's whine that brings him back from the edge. Barely halfway seated, he has stopped, trembling, panting just as hard as Kylo is. Kylo raised a hand to his back, stroking his skin, and this seemed to restore him. 

"I knew you'd be good," he said, leaning his weight back to slide further down onto Kylo. "I knew you'd feel so, ah!, so good."

Hux's hand pressed against his chest, and Kylo felt the crucifix digging into the skin of his chest. Part of his mind thought to wonder that neither of them are burnt by the contact, or struck down, but this thought disappeared in white hot bliss as Hux gasped and arched, seating himself fully onto Kylo. 

Kylo felt his body had melted as Hux lifted himself, muscles shifting under Kylo's hands, to move on Kylo's cock. Kylo felt helpless, unwilling to stop this, unable to help, unfit to do anything but watch Hux's hair fall across his face as he dragged himself down, panting silently as he began to ride Kylo. 

Kylo found himself fascinated by Hux as the pleasure built in his gut. He watched his eyes screw shut in effort and the pinkness of his lips. He traced a bead of sweat drifting down from his temple, and lamented that he could not lean forward to taste it on his skin. He saw Hux raise a hand to sweep back the hair from his face, the sunlight glinting on the streaks of oil left behind as Hux leant back, fingers laced in the hair at the back of his head. 

Kylo watched all of these things, not realising that his eyes had drifted closed until he felt his breath cut off, and his eyes snapped open in confusion. Hux was smirking at him, and he could feel the man's hand tighten in the cord of his crucifix. 

"Careful, Father," he crooned, "Some of your congregation might be outside. You don't want to make too much noise."

Hux kept his grip tight on the cord as he began to move. Kylo was unaware he had begun to moan at all, but his worship of the creature above him was so absolute he was not willing to protest the accusation, nor struggle to release the pressure on his airway. 

Hux's grin widened as he watched Kylo gasp against the pressure on his throat, catching his lower lip with his teeth. Kylo found his passion then, gripping Hux's hips hard enough to leave crescent shaped bruises as he began to thrust up into his body. 

Hux cried out once, then pressed his hand against his mouth to smother his cries, struggling to hold himself upright against the force of Kylo's thrusts, but not once did he loosen his grip on the cord. 

Kylo hissed through his teeth, feeling his vision darkening at the edges as he struggled towards his cresting pleasure. He lifted one arm to press against Hux's back, pulling him closer so he could bury his face in Hux’s neck. 

Hux folded gracefully against him, removing the hand from his mouth to whimper against Kylo's ear, clinging to Kylo as his body begins to tremble with his own cresting pleasure. 

Kylo extended his tongue, finally tasting the sweat on Hux's skin, licking a broad stripe up his neck and jaw, as Hux came undone. His body stiffened in Kylo's arms, the high pitched gasp that rises into silence pulling him over the edge after him, so he found himself arching to press himself against Hux's body as much as he can, crushing the other man's frame to him as the world faded away. 

He found himself panting as his vision returned, his throat sore from the pressure of the cord around his neck, that same cord now an idle toy between Hux's fingers as he rested against Kylo. His head turned to rest against Kylo's chest, and Kylo found himself wishing that he was naked also as he strokes his hands along Hux's back, so he could feel the sweep of his eyelashes every time he blinked. 

"Forgive me Father, for I do not regret this."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fall of Father Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work is going to come with varying tags, some of which will apply only to one chapter and not the whole work. Where this is the case, the additional tags will be listed at the start of each chapter. 
> 
> Chapter specific tags: Alcohol, alcohol abuse, vomiting

The reality of the situation returned all too soon. Already the high of his climax had drained away, and he found himself sitting in dawning horror at his actions. Shame flooded his body, making him every movement feel tense. Hux still leaned against his chest, his breath slow enough that Kylo wasn’t sure that he hadn't drifted off. But when he lowered his hands to his sides, fists clenched against his legs, Hux stretched languorously, flexing his lean body for Kylo to enjoy the sight. 

He huffed when Kylo turned his face away, but took the opportunity to lean in, pressing open-mouthed kisses along his jaw. Kylo stiffened, trying to turn further away, but Hux leaned into the chase, his teeth starting to graze the skin. Kylo struggled to get words past a throat that seemed too tight, finally raising a hand to Hux's arm as he croaked out, "Don't!"

Hux ignored the comment, one hand drifting under the collar of Kylo's shirt, teasing at the buttons, as his kisses became more insistent. Shame was buried easily under the flash of anger then, and Kylo grabbed Hux's arms, holding him back from his body as he growled, "Enough!"

Hux smirked, watching Kylo for a moment, but slid off his lap without any further argument. He dressed quickly and efficiently, eyes never leaving Kylo's face. When he finished he held in place a moment, watching with his head tilted, before suddenly leaning in and pressing his lips to Kylo's. Kylo flinched, lips pursed, head hitting the wall behind him. Hux snorted, but said nothing as he pulled open the door and stepped out of the confessional. 

Kylo sat in silence as the door swung closed. No sound from the church outside penetrated the heavy wooden door, and he found himself hoping that his shameful behaviour had at least been private. He exhaled, his body sagging, unsure if he wanted to cry - if he even deserved to - or to turn his body bloody as he gave vent to his anger at his lapse. He held his head in his hands, thoughts racing madly. 

When he pried his eyes open he saw his rosary lying forgotten on the floor. He dropped one hand to pick it up, guilt threatening to pull his whole body to the ground as he reached for it. His fingers curled before he could make contact, and he sat, staring at it. How could he proceed from here? How could he ask forgiveness for what he'd done in the Lord's own house?

Heavy despair settled over him before he finally stirred. He scooped up the rosary, wrapping the beads tightly around his wrist until they pressed hard and biting against his skin. He pulled his vestments off, balling them and leaving them on the seat he vacated. If there was anyone remaining in the church, he could not face them with another man's spend staining his robes. He stepped out of the confessional box, breathing deeply the dusty air of the church, closing his eyes with relief, as thankfully, it remained empty. 

A few leaves scuttled through the aisle as the evening breeze picked up, the light through the stained glass windows beginning to dim. He moved to push closed the door of the church and retrieved the broom from the closet. This, he told his conscience, could be the labour that would form the beginning of his petition for forgiveness. 

The work was somewhat soothing, as long as Kylo focused his thoughts only on the scrape of the broom across the tiles and the rustle of dry leaves as they crumbled under the press of the bristles. By the time the last of the leaves had been gathered together and disposed of, Kylo's shoulders burned with a mild but pleasant ache. 

He stood and rolled his shoulders, taking in the space around him. The light had faded enough that the figures depicted in the windows appeared as negative images, the faces of the martyrs no longer discernable. The only light came from the guttering votive candles at the head of the church, where they flanked the steps leading to the altar. They cast their paraffin scent into the air, mingling with the smells of wood polish and the must that comes from old buildings. It was normally a comforting smell, a scent of welcome and safety, but that night as Kylo put away the broom and gathered his soiled vestments, he felt unsure of his place among them. 

His apartment was initially as cold and dark as the church, but without the promise of comfort. Kylo turned on all the lights as he passed through the rooms, boosting the heat though the season wasn’t well enough advanced to truly justify it; both wasteful indulgences, but he needed them to bolster his strength, to cast out the darker thoughts in his mind. 

He set his vestments to soaking, losing himself in his thoughts again as his hands stirred the soapy water. He had no appetite for the dinner he had prepared earlier, no other duties that called on him for the night. His feet guided him to his bathroom. He pulled off his clothes with hands still damp, setting the shower to a temperature that bordered on painful, stinging his skin and flushing it red. He let the water wash over his body, not even reaching for the soap. He told himself it was merely exhaustion, soul deep, but truly he was unsure of his body's response if he were to touch it to remove the last traces of oil. 

His hand formed a fist and he punched the tiles. Once. Twice. Pain radiated from his knuckles. He stopped short of breaking the skin; no point in damaging himself where the people might see, or give them reason to suspect him of being anything other than a perfect servant. He sneered at himself as he turned off the water, sluicing the water drops from his skin with the edge of his hands. He fell into bed with hair that soaked the pillows. He screwed his eyes shut, trying to banish the thoughts of flaming hair from his mind, trying to pray and desperate for the oblivion of sleep. 

The days that followed passed neither quickly nor full enough for Kylo's liking. Services passed by rote, his sermons not his brightest, but delivered well enough, even as his eyes scanned the congregation with more fervour than he ever had before. The simultaneous relief and dread he felt at seeing Hux's too familiar presence he treated as signs of his own failing and weakness, unsure if he wanted to confront the man, begging for a forgiveness that was not his to give, or to seek him out to taste him again. 

But for all that he remained a steadfast attendee of each mass that Kylo preached, Hux did not approach him again. When all other heads bowed in response to Kylo’s calls for prayer, he knew Hux’s eyes would still be focused on him, the only bright point as they looked directly at him in the sea of downturned heads. Even if he did look away, there was no-one in this parish with hair like his, and Kylo felt he would always find him as he burned like a personal beacon, always calling him to follow. 

The days continued to pass and when Kylo once again sat in a confessional that smelled to him of oil and semen, Hux’s low voice did not enter the space again. His absence from this part of Kylo’s duties had done nothing to diminish his presence in Kylo's mind. Each morning Kylo awoke stiff under his sheets, Hux's name on his tongue. He was never this tormented before he had known his name, before his name had fallen from his lips. He spent long mornings trying to be thankful for the early waking his arousal caused him, staring at the ceiling while he recited any passage, any prayer he could call to mind, willing his body and mind to calm. 

Those mornings were always the worst, when he was alone with his own mind. Torment came to him during the day too, when he caught a flash of red from the corner of his eye and would turn, dreading, hoping, that he would see Hux again, though it never was. In the morning he felt truly alone in the world, separated from those he might seek to confide in. Instead he tried to wrest control of himself, struggling with his limitations, so the tension merely gathered week by week, pooling in his chest, waiting for release. 

He could feel the effect the gathering tension had on him like the crackling air of an oncoming storm. Sleep eluded him more, both at night and in the mornings, and though he hadn’t yet faltered in his duties around the community, he could feel the steady drain on his energy. He had tried running, but even exercise seemed to exhaust him more, leaving him hot and sweaty, body craving a release he could not permit it to have. 

Autumn drew to a close, leaving his church free of leaves, and replacing the days with cold hard rains and dark, empty evenings. He found himself sitting at his dining table on these nights, cradling a glass of the whiskey he kept for those rare occasions when members of the parish came to him for advice and company, or to relax after the always too-long community meetings. A single glass was all he allowed himself, telling himself it would be enough as he stripped the paper bag from yet another bottle, even when he knew it was no longer sufficient to lull him into dreamless sleep. He despaired of those petty torments, part of him understanding that this was his true test; not in the actions of a moment, but in his actions in the moments that came after if he wished to return to sanctity. 

The end of a late Sunday service granted him a rare enough luxury that he was almost tempted to believe that divine forgiveness was within his grasp. The mass goers had departed rapidly that evening, eager to get home and not dawdle and gossip in the sleet that stung as it fell. He bid farewell to the last of his people, drawing closed the door before retreating to the sacristy to hang up his robes. The church was in almost complete darkness when he emerged, the only illumination a small electric light next to the altar in representation of the holy spirit; fitting that it should be the light to guide him. 

He genuflected in front of the altar before retreating down the steps to kneel on the lowest, wood creaking in protest as he settled his weight. He breathed deep, lifting his hands to join them in prayer. The light was so dim that he couldn’t make out the mosaics he knew were depicted behind the altar, images of the most holy family that looked out over the church, save for the occasional glint from gold tiles. He bowed his head, letting the gold dance across his eyelids as his lips moved in solemn chant. 

His head snapped up as he heard the door of the sacristy open, followed by the soft pad of footsteps on the stairs to the altar. He froze in place as the figure passed him, a lit taper held carefully in their hand, shielded from the eddy of their movement by the other. They were dressed solely in the thin white robes of an altar server, hood drawn up and cinched at the waist by a red cord. As they passed, Kylo noticed that their feet were bare and was suddenly sure that this was Hux. 

He passed Kylo without a word, pressing the taper to the wick of each of a row of candles on the altar, one by one, creating a row of glowing lights. Task complete, he lifted the taper to his lips, pursing and blowing to extinguish the flame, watching it until the smoke stopped rising from the wick, before laying it on the altar. 

He turned to Kylo then, pulling back the hood and spreading his arms out along the surface of the altar as he smiled down at him. The candles behind him set a soft golden glow to his hair, casting a halo about him that left Kylo wanting nothing more than to run his hands through those locks until his fingers turned to gold. 

And yet, Kylo found himself unwilling to move under his gaze. Kneeling before Hux felt natural, different to how he knelt in prayer. Hux spent long moments considering him, head tilted to one side, then sighed, pushing away from the altar to descend the steps towards him. He approached with predatory grace, already sure of his welcome. 

Kylo’s hands fell to his sides as Hux stopped in front of him. He cupped Kylo's face with his hands, thumbs stroking across his cheekbones as he searched his eyes for some sign, a calculating look in his own eye. He slid one hand into the back of Kylo’s hair, tangling his fingers there, while the other moved to his lips, stroking the soft skin, pressing gently to encourage Kylo to open his mouth. 

Kylo took the tip of Hux’s thumb between his teeth, pressing gently before allowing it to press further into his mouth. Hux canted his hips, pressing one knee into Kylo’s chest. The kneeling man took the unspoken invitation to reach out and caress Hux’s smooth legs. As Kylo began to slide his hands higher, Hux started to rub his thumb in circles over Kylo’s tongue, eyes gleaming. 

No underclothes hindered Kylo’s hands as they ascended, so he moved upwards until he was pressing his fingers underneath the wrap of the cord about Hux’s waist. He wished he could push forward, pressing kisses along Hux’s belly, but when his eyes drifted down Hux’s fingers tightened on his jaw, pulling his attention back up to his face.

Kylo caught Hux’s thumb between his teeth again, this time not letting go, prompting a raised eyebrow from Hux which turned rapidly into a wicked smile as Kylo begins to stroke his hands downwards. His skin everywhere was so soft. Kylo ran his fingertips along the line of rough hair at the end of his belly, guiding him downwards. Hux pulled at his thumb again, but Kylo held him fast, keeping him in place as his fingers reached further down, sliding slowly into the thicker thatch of hair, until he found his prize. 

Hux’s eyes drifted closed, his lips parting as Kylo began to run teasing brushes over his half-hard length. Hux’s cock twitched under the attention, filling rapidly as Kylo continued to tease. The cloth of his robes still hid his member from Kylo’s view, but he imagined it looked as tempting as it did last time. He found himself craving the weight of it in his mouth in place of Hux’s thumb. 

He reached for the hem of the robe, wanting to draw it out of the way to press his lips to Hux’s skin, but before he could, Hux lowered himself to kneel in front of Kylo, hand sliding to the front of his shirt to undo the buttons as he descended. Kylo released the hand trapped by his teeth, and allowed Hux to push his arms back and away as he slid the shirt from his shoulders, keeping him tangled in the fabric as his chest was laved with attention. Hux kept one hand twisted in the fabric between Kylo’s shoulders, forcing him to arch his back, even as he stretched further to press himself against Hux’s willing mouth. He keened as Hux ran his tongue in circles over his nipples, catching each one in his teeth and pulling, before moving on to pepper his skin with bite marks. 

Kylo didn’t fully realise Hux had released his arms until he felt him run both hands down the skin of his stomach, pulling at his trousers until all of Kylo's clothes had fallen away. This time, he was naked while Hux was dressed in holy robes. Hux stood, taking a step back to take in Kylo’s naked form, pupils wide as they drifted over shoulders and legs, biting his lip as he saw Kylo’s cock twitching at the attention. 

Kylo reached for him again, desperate to press against his body and ward off the chill of the church. Hux allowed Kylo to cling to him, stroking his fingers through his hair as Kylo mouthed at his abdomen through the robes, as first one hand, then the other sought out the hem of the robes, sliding his hands underneath. He took hold of Hux’s hips, pulling him down until he was kneeling over Kylo’s legs. Kylo leaned forward to kiss him, but Hux leaned back, hands placed on his chest to hold him at bay, eyes narrowing as he watched for something on Kylo’s face. 

Kylo wrapped his arms around Hux, lip twisting in annoyance as his hand was stopped by the cord from moving up his back. He settled for wrapping that hand around his waist, holding him as close as Hux would allow, while the other hand dipped down to his ass, stroking along his leg to try and pull him closer, to bring their cocks into contact. 

Still Hux resisted him, his smirk broader now. Kylo frowned, not knowing what it was he was waiting for. He slid his hand back up from Hux’s knee, fingers dipping to stroke the sensitive underside of his leg, watching for some telltale reaction. Further up, he squeezed the flesh of his ass, earning a slight gasp, but nothing more. It wasn’t until his fingers encountered the traces of oil on his cheeks, both their pupils widening and breath hitching, that Kylo understood. 

He groaned and leaned into Hux’s chest, relief and desire sweeping over him. That Hux had prepared himself before he came to the church was surely an indication that he wanted this too, just as much. Hux laughed and allowed Kylo to pull him closer, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, fingers teasing at the hair hanging down. 

Kylo moaned into Hux’s neck as he pressed into him. This was everything he’d been dreaming of, everything he’d wanted since the first taste had whetted his appetite. Kylo pressed slowly in, wanting to savour this moment, wanting to make it last in case months passed before Hux came to him again. He heard Hux gasp beside his ear as he sunk to the hilt, and he realised he needed to make this good for Hux too, so good he’d remember it, need it, crave it the way Kylo had craved it all these weeks. 

Kylo moved both hands to his hips now, fingers digging into the softer, rounded flesh of his ass as he held Hux steady and began to withdraw. Hux whined as he pulled out almost entirely, fingers scrabbling at his shoulders as he thrusted at the same glacial pace. He knew he wouldn’t be able to maintain this for long. Hux was too tight and too hot around him, but it was worth the effort when Hux’s head fell back onto his shoulder with a broken sob. 

Kylo increased his pace after that, wishing he had Hux in a bed so his hands would be free to explore his skin instead of holding him steady, wishing he were naked so he could kiss him all over. As it was, he mouthed at his collar bones, the edges just exposed by the neck of the robes he wore. He nipped at the fabric in frustration, knowing Hux could at least feel the pressure and heat of his mouth. 

Hux’s breathing came in short gasps now, small cries punctuating Kylo’s every thrust. Kylo focused on the sound, hoping Hux was close, feeling the heat pool low in his belly, the cries only urging him on...

And Kylo came with a cry, his hips thrusting into the sheets below him, the fabric of his pillow caught between his teeth as the dream faded away. His eyes stung with tears as Hux melted away from his thoughts, and he felt the sting of shame at his own willingness to cast everything away just to feel his touch again. 

Kylo turned his head on the pillow, seeing the half empty bottle of whiskey standing open. There had been no reprieve at the church, no blessed moment in which to pray. He had fled the church as soon as it emptied, its once comforting darkness feeling oppressive. He reached for the bottle, almost knocking it over before he had it held by the neck, swallowing deep draughts, the alcohol burning his throat as his come cooled against his belly. 

He clutched the bottle as he collapsed back onto the pillow, letting his tears soak into the fabric damp from his mouth. He’d thought Hux had come back to him, that somehow his sin would be more forgivable if it was born of love, not simply lust. But now as he lay in his own regret, in his own filth, he felt as if he had failed again. 

When he stood, the world threatened to spin away from him. He succeeded in stumbling to the bathroom, turning on the shower before collapsing to sit in the spray. He finished the bottle while he sat there, letting it fall away when it emptied, shivering when the water turned cold. 

He held that coldness to him in the days that followed. Every night now ended when he fell drunk into bed, and most mornings greeted him with an empty bottle on the pillow beside him. He swilled mouthwash before each service, grateful for the drugstores found in abundance near the different off-licenses he frequented; he couldn’t afford to become too well known at any of them. He realised now that no-one really cared about him; none of his parishioners were as close as he believed. They either didn’t notice or chose to ignore what must have been the obvious signs of his struggle. 

His eyes had become harder now, he knew. When he looked out during service, he looked at Hux with steel, only to find him doing nothing more than tilting his head in curiosity at the change. Of all the people to notice… He held himself more aloof when he made his goodbyes, no longer delaying in church, eager to return to the comforts to be found at the end of a bottle: promises of dreamless nights to be had. 

Except even those promises turned into lies. Kylo rolled over in the bed, cursing as hard glass edges pressed into the flesh of his back. He lifted it to examine its contents before flinging the empty bottle carelessly from the bed. His skin was coated with a sheen of sweat and his stomach churned threateningly. He sat up in the bed, finding a bottle on the nightstand with a couple of fingers left in the bottom. He lifted the bottle to his lips, drinking greedily, but as soon as the alcohol hit his stomach he regretted the action. 

He stumbled from the bed as the alcohol forced its way back up his throat. He barely made it to the toilet in time, clinging to the bowl as his body struggled to purge itself. He’d been skipping meals lately, filling up on alcohol at the end of every day, aware he was losing weight, losing condition. It was only when for the third time, Kylo found himself clinging to the toilet at 4am, resting his forehead against the cool ceramic, that he realized that he could not continue like this. There had to be a better way of ridding himself of his demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was an idea that kinda grew legs. It went from being a one shot, to having a single chapter follow up, to now having an outline of six chapters and an epilogue. This is my first attempt at a multi-chapter story, so thank you for your patience and encouragement. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr [here](http://glass-oceans.tumblr.com/), ~~come say hi!~~ come join me in damnation.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fall of Father Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific tags: alcohol, dubious consent

Kylo tapped his fingers against the casing of the keyboard, willing the page to refresh faster. A small withdrawal from his savings - an inheritance from his grandfather that he hadn’t declared when he’d taken his orders - and he’d be able to put this behind him. The page refreshed, and his shoulders lowered as he read over the booking confirmation. A city center hotel was expensive, even midweek, but he told himself it was what was needed. Two nights timed to fall between his regular duties were the most he could afford to be away from the church before someone noticed his absence. He sat back in the chair, one hand rubbing absently over his abdomen. A quiet voice whispered to him that this was a mistake, merely digging the hole deeper but he pushed it down as he stood from the chair. 

Packing was brief and easy. He had so few clothes now that weren’t the starched shirts of his everyday uniform. He opened his sports bag and threw in spare t-shirts, a change of socks. He intended to wear his only pair of black jeans. The final item he added to the bag he had to kneel down to retrieve from the bottom of the wardrobe. Opening a storage box,he withdrew his old leather jacket. He caressed the leather, still butter soft, as he thought about his last visit home and the last time he’d worn it before he’d committed to joining the church. He knew he should have disposed of it long ago, but the jacket was older than he was, a lucky find in a vintage shop, and he found himself too attached to let it go. 

Tomorrow he’d be able to get an early bus to travel to the city, far enough removed from his parish that he wouldn’t be recognised. He just had to get through one more night. He zipped up the bag, throwing it to the floor at the foot of the bed before turning back. An empty cut glass tumbler sat on his nightstand, dried rivulets of whiskey still crusted on the sides. His hand hovered over it briefly before he picked it up and brought it into the bathroom, rinsing it inside and out before filling it with water and knocking it back in one swallow. He filled it again, setting the glass decisively on the nightstand before undressing for bed.

* ** *** ** *

The city had all the grey dreariness of a typical November day, despite the strings of early Christmas lights crossing the streets. Kylo had pulled on his jacket while he rode the bus, stuffing his regular parka into the bag, and he pulled up the collar now against the cutting wind as he made his way towards the hotel. In hindsight he should have packed some pullovers for the cold, but they would have ended up getting in the way. Besides, he didn’t expect to be spending too long exposed to the weather.

He found the hotel easily, set off a little from the main street. The small check-in desk was staffed by a quietly perky receptionist who took his credit card, swiping it as he confirmed his details before issuing his key card. Ordinarily he’d prefer the human touch, the easy conversation, but for now the fewer people he had to interact with the better. He took the card back with a nod, trying to be brief in his answers without being blunt, turning away as soon as he could to seek out his room. It would be easier to carry through his plans if he had no-one to observe his shame. 

The room itself turned out to be somewhat more luxurious than he was expecting. A wide bed dressed in cream bedsheets with brown and gold accents, with a quilted comforter spread at the end. He didn’t bother to open the similarly accented curtains, not caring if the view was onto the street or another hotel wall opposite. He laid his bag on the small dressing table, taking in the small table with twin chairs, sporting a list of local, high-quality restaurants that would deliver to the hotel in lieu of room service. He perused the menu, already picking out tomorrow’s breakfast, maybe even a dinner for two if all went well, before returning to his bag to pull out the toiletries he picked up on the way to the hotel. 

He carried these to the bathroom, stripping to wash himself free of the smell of wax and pamphlets, dressing again in the black clothes that predated his time in uniform. The jeans and t-shirt were snug, but he knew they showed off his body to its best advantage. He combed his fingers through his still-damp hair, scattering droplets of water. He had no product to put through it, but anything would be different from the tightly combed fashion he wore in church. Hanging loose about his face would have to do. 

He removed a paper bag before tossing the rest of his luggage into the bottom of one of the room’s wardrobes, then sat on the edge of the bed. He opened the drawer in the nightstand to place condoms and lube inside, a purchase that had almost given him away in the drug store. He had blushed so furiously he couldn’t maintain eye contact with the clerk. He opened the drawer again, picked up the box of condoms to tear it open and remove two, hesitating before placing them in his wallet. 

Of all the things that had happened, this was what he was getting worked up about. Intention, the voice whispered. Just nerves, he told it, moving to pull on his jacket before it could say anything else. He brushed one hand through his hair again, standing in front of the room’s full length mirror to check himself out. Dressed head-to-toe in figure hugging black, with his hair framing his slight scowl, he looked like a solid shadow, able to drink in the light of even the dimmest bar. He’d be sure to get the attention he wanted.

* ** *** ** *

Kylo nodded to the bouncers, who shifted nervously as they looked up at him. After a moment, one pulled open the door, and he passed gratefully out of a night that was becoming worse by the minute. He ran his hands through his hair again, trying to shake off the worst of the rain as he took in the club. He could see the double doors on the far side of the room that led to the dance floor, music blaring in time with strobing lights as people passed through. He had no desire to join the press of bodies that waited there so made his way to the bar, people passing around him with ease.

He flagged down the bartender and asked for whiskey, neat. His hand shook as he lifted the glass, memories of the results of his last binge too fresh, but it only burned pleasantly as it went down, easing away the cold of the day. A second glass chased away the last of his reservations, leaving the edges of his mind numb. The thrum of the nightclub’s bass through the soles of his feet had more of a siren call than it had when he arrived. It was when he ordered his third glass that he noticed he was being watched from across the bar. 

The blue eyes were piercing even in the dim light. Kylo stood taller under their gaze, head held high as they raked over his body. The man stroked one hand over his black goatee, the other tilting his mostly empty Pilsner glass as he pulled his eyes back up to Kylo’s face. He smiled then, abandoning his drink to come around to Kylo. Kylo observed that the man was shorter than he, though no less broad, as he made his unhurried way through the crowd. He stepped into Kylo’s space, taking the glass from his hand. 

“That’s not what you want,” he said, lifting it to his lips and emptying the glass. 

Kylo watched him consume his drink, eyebrow raised. He was close enough that Kylo could count the stray grey hairs in the man’s otherwise impeccable beard, could study his many tattoos in detail if he wanted… even… was that a parrot reaching its beak up his neck? Did this guy think he was a pirate? But pirate or not, he seemed to know what he wanted, so… 

“Isn’t it?” he asked, fingers resting lightly on the glass that the stranger set back on the counter. 

He leaned further in, and Kylo smelled the mix of whiskey and pale beer on his breath. His eyes flickered down to Kylo’s lips, and he licked his own as he answered, “No. Come with me.”

He grabbed hold of Kylo’s jacket as he pulled him away from the bar, not willing to take the risk that he might not follow. Kylo went willingly, surrendering control of the situation to whatever this stranger had planned. He was led through the doors to the dance floor, and wondered whether Blackbeard just wanted to dance, if he’d grind up against him while he grabbed at his hips, but he continued on past the recessed dance floor and pulled him towards the bathrooms at the back of the club. 

He pushed Kylo into one of the private cubicles, locking the door behind him. He was immediately in Kylo’s space again, pressing hot, sloppy kisses to his lips, groaning as his hands roamed over Kylo’s chest. He pulled up Kylo’s t-shirt, raking blunt nails across his stomach. 

“You’re shredded, you’re actually fucking shredded, thank fuck,” he muttered between kisses. “Seen too many guys come through here without the back up for what they’re clamin’. But you are so fucking hot.”

Kylo could barely keep up with the torrent of words, and gasped for breath when Blackbeard dropped to his knees and started pulling at the fastenings on his jeans. He pulled Kylo’s cock free, groaning, “fucking built all over,” as he stroked him to hardness. Kylo pulled himself together long enough to reach for his wallet, thinking to offer the man a condom, but Blackbeard reached into his own back pocket, withdrawing a foil packet and tearing it open. He had rolled it on before Kylo could even complete the gesture. 

Keeping one hand on his base of his cock, Blackbeard took Kylo into his mouth, tongue circling the head. Kylo gasped, one hand fisting in the shoulder of the strangers’ shirt, the other pressed to the wall, trying to keep himself upright. It had been so long since someone had done this for him, the sensation was overwhelming. He knew he wouldn’t last long like this, but can barely think past that. In all his fantasies, he hadn’t even thought about Hux doing this. 

Kylo groaned at his own slip. Tonight was supposed to be about forgetting Hux, purging him from his mind so he could start anew. Blackbeard misunderstood the groan and began pumping his hand in time with the bobbing of his head. It’s not exactly what Kylo wanted, but the experience was so rare and hot and needed it was bringing him close all the same. Kylo pulled at his shoulder to get his attention.

“I’m.. I’m close.”

Blackbeard only drew back long enough to smile and wink up at Kylo.

“Aw, honey, that’s the point.”

Kylo’s groan choked in his throat as Blackbeard twisted his hand with each stroke, tonguing the head of Kylo’s cock through the latex. He took Kylo as far back into his mouth as he could, hollowing his cheeks and sucking, pulling with his mouth as Kylo sobbed and came. Blackbeard sucked him gently through it, and when his cock had stopped twitching he sat back, standing up and moving to check his goatee in the mirror for stray saliva, giving Kylo a chance to collect himself. 

He didn’t look back as Kylo pulled off the condom, knotting it and tossing it into the trashcan. He didn’t say a word as Kylo tidied himself away, staring at the tile floor as he gulped down air, but when Kylo raised his eyes to look at him, he found already watching through the reflection of the mirror. 

“Security don’t check these stalls as often, but we’ll need to clear outta here shortly.”

Kylo nodded, drifting into the hard look in the man’s eyes. 

“I have a hotel room…”

* ** *** ** *

Kylo found his cheeks flushing red as they walked through the hotel’s reception lobby, even though there was no-one to see him bringing an almost stranger back to his room. They hadn’t spoken much since leaving the club, and Blackbeard seemed content to follow instead of leading Kylo by his jacket. Kylo had tried offering his name as a way of finding out the stranger’s actual name, but he’d just shaken his head, telling him “Naw, you don’t need to know that, honey.”

He kept his distance as Kylo opened the room door, rambling slowly about the room as Kylo slid off his jacket and threw it into the wardrobe. He turned to Kylo with a smile then, placing one hand on his chest and walking him backwards until his legs hit the bed. With a sudden shove, Kylo found himself falling backwards. He was given no chance to right himself before Blackbeard was clambering over him. Kylo smothered the instinct to struggle, instead laying down on the bed with his arms spread out while the other man perched on his hips to look down at him. 

He pulled at Kylo’s t-shirt again, obsessed with the muscles of his chest. Kylo gladly obliged, pulling the shirt off and casting it aside. Blackbeard splayed his hands over Kylo’s stomach, sliding them up as he leaned down. Kylo pressed up for the kiss, but his lips were left waiting as the stranger neatly tucked his head under Kylo’s jaw, kissing along his neck instead. His hands moved to caress Kylo’s sides, fingers pressing just hard enough so the sensation wasn’t ticklish, tongue flicking over his chest. His knees were sliding slowly apart, slipping on the bedspread before Blackbeard was pressing his crotch to Kylo’s in an achingly slow grate of friction. Kylo’s hands flew up to his hips, desperately trying to hold him in place as he repeated the motion. 

“Eager, huh?” he growled from the vicinity of Kylo’s chest. “C’mon then, let’s be havin’ ya.”

He climbed off Kylo then and began pulling off his own clothes. Kylo leaned up on his elbows and watched him as his skin was revealed, though he seemed to be more ink than skin. He had a little softness about him, but Kylo had already felt the strength that lay under tattoos. He sat up to unlace his own boots, shimmying out of his jeans without getting off the bed. Blackbeard watched this display appreciatively, absently stroking his own dick. 

When Kylo reclined on the bed, Blackbeard climbed over him again, and Kylo bit his lip in anticipation of skin on skin contact. He grunted in surprise when instead he felt a hand inserted under his hip, flipping him over to lay with his stomach on the mattress. Kylo felt that flare again, urging him to resist the action, but he stamped it down, forcing himself to relax as Blackbeard lowered his body down on top of him. This.. this was good. This was what he needed. 

Kylo groaned as Blackbeard moved against him, maneuvered his cock into the cleft of his ass and moving his whole body slowly against him. He reached up to take hold of one shoulder, pressing kisses into Kylo’s neck. 

“That was my last rubber” he spoke into Kylo’s ear. “Do ye have anythin’ here?”

Kylo stretched under him to reach towards the drawer, feeling Blackbeard’s hands glide down his back to hold tight onto his hips to keep him from getting too far away. Kylo fumbled as he took the box from the drawer, contents scattering on the carpet beside the bed. He passed the bottle of lube back as he reached over the side of the bed to retrieve a couple of foil packs. He looked back over his shoulder, condoms in hand, as Blackbeard peeled the plastic wrapper from the bottle. He flushed as Blackbeard caught his eye with a raised eyebrow, but he’d just smiled, leaning forward to press kisses to Kylo’s shoulder as he took the condoms from his hand. 

“Ye needn’t worry, I’ll go easy on ye.”

Kylo swallowed hard and turned away to lie down on the bed, resting his chin on his folded arms. Behind him he heard the tearing of foil, brief rustling noises as the condom was applied. The squirt of the lube came next, and he was grateful that Blackbeard took a moment to warm it on his fingers before stroking a finger down from the base of his spine. Kylo’s breath caught, his body tensing involuntarily as that finger brushed over his entrance, but Blackbeard simply kept up the motion, slowly spreading Kylo’s legs apart, easing him into the sensation. 

As Kylo visibly relaxed, sighing as some of the tension left the muscles of his back, Blackbeard shuffled closer and began to press in with just one finger. Kylo closed his eyes, willing himself to remain still. He bit his lip as the finger began to twist as it was pushed inside, the sensation strange and appealing. He could feel Blackbeard place his other hand on his ass, pressing the flesh aside to expose him more fully. He flushed to hear the man groan at the sight, his finger pushing more insistently inside him, twisting all the while. 

When he pressed a second finger into Kylo, crooking them as he spread them apart, Kylo gasped. There was a little pain to the action, expected but not unwelcome, and Kylo lifted his hips, pulled himself up onto his knees to press back into the sensation. Blackbeard reached around him, grasping his cock to stroke it in rough time with the motions of his fingers. Kylo moaned, rocking between the sensations. The fingers pressed deeper, and Kylo could feel the threat of stars in his mind as they curved within him. Before they could fully coax the sensation from him, though, Blackbeard was withdrawing. 

Kylo could hear the squirt of the lube again, the slick sound as it was applied, then Blackbeard’s hands were on his hips, one hand dry and warm, the other slick, pulling him up until he was supported on hands and knees. He let his head fall between his arms, gritting his teeth. He could feel the heat of the man behind him, nudging his knees wider as he knelt behind him. Still part of him wanted to cry out, to stop all this now, but as Blackbeard lined himself up, head of his cock circling just shy of pressing inwards, Kylo gripping the bed sheets in both hands and willed himself not to think of red-gold hair. 

The burn, the stretch as Blackbeard pressed forward was too much, and Kylo felt himself judder away from it with a gasp. One hand came to rest of his back, broad palm stroking warmth along his spine, encouraging him to lean back instead of away. Kylo allowed the motions to gentle him, relaxing as Blackbeard pushed forward. He could feel tears sting his eyes as the other man's thighs came to rest flush against his own, his other hand coming to curl around his hip bone, fingers hooking into the notch between bone and abdomen. His other hand slid from Kylo’s back to grab his other hip, and with no other notice, he began to thrust. 

Kylo tried to focus on his breathing as Blackbeard began to move. His body felt pleasantly tense, the rhythm the other man established was almost enough to separate Kylo from his thoughts. He tried to toss his hair from his face, and caught a glimpse of himself in the wardrobe mirror. Despite his hair falling forward, he could see his own eyes, pupils wide and not nearly distant enough. His skin was flushed down past the mirror’s scope, except for where his knuckles stood white with their grip on the bedclothes. His lips parted as he considered his reflection as he rocked, wishing he could be seen, that he could break the hold others might think they had over him. 

Blackbeard was breathing harder now, and occasionally, one hand would relinquish its grip on his hip to stroke along his sides and flanks, drawing groans from his throat as he groped at Kylo’s muscles. His hands kept sliding back to Kylo’s hips, where he could tighten his fingers with bruising pressure, thrusting hard for a couple of motions, before his hands took to wandering again. Kylo tolerated the pawing, could feel the other man’s cock twitch inside him when he flexed under his hands, pushing him into those rough thrusts that made him lose focus. 

Blackbeard was panting loudly, one hand sliding from its caress of his chest to take his cock in hand and stroke it. Kylo closed his eyes for a moment, trying to enjoy it, but there was no finesse in his motions, and with a snarl, Kylo knocked his hand away and began to stroke himself. Blackbeard returned his hand to its previous grip, and began to thrust hard. Kylo had been closer than he realised, and soon came over his knuckles, heard Blackbeard groan behind him. The other man continued thrusting, overstimulating Kylo to the point of discomfort, so he was forced to hold himself up on shaking limbs. 

The thrusting continued for an intolerably long period, and Kylo couldn’t understand why he didn’t just end it by knocking Blackbeard away. Even with one hand on his shoulder and the other still grasping his hip, it should have been a simple matter to push himself upright and out from under the other man. Instead Kylo waited, enduring, and sighed with relief when he finally felt the other man falter before thrusting deep, groaning long and low as he reached his climax. 

Kylo lowered himself to the bed as Blackbeard withdrew, skin crawling with over stimulation. He could feel the bed shake as the other man slid off the end, followed shortly by the running of water from the bathroom. He didn’t lift his head as he heard him dress, not even sure what there was to say in a situation like this. He let his eyes drift closed, thinking vaguely about pulling himself together so he could get up and wash himself clean. 

Kylo felt something flutter to the bed covers beside him. He opened his eyes to take in a note lying just in front of him, picked it up and frowned at it to make out the 50 inscribed on the corner. He leaned up on his elbows, reaching out one hand to pick it up before turning to look at Blackbeard over his shoulder. 

“What’s this?” he asked. 

Blackbeard gestured vaguely as he stuffed his wallet back into his trousers. 

“For.. supplies,” he said. “You take care of yerself. Thanks for the entertainin’, honey.”

Kylo looked back to the note, tossing it back onto the bed as he heard the door close. He let his head fall to the bed, his limbs feeling leaden. He should get up and shower, wash away the lube and sweat before they became irritating, but he couldn’t find it in himself to move. Every blink seemed to take an eternity, every twitch of his limbs sending dull aches through his body. 

Time passed, his limbs growing chill and stiff on top of the bed covers. Kylo felt the first cracks in his numbness as his eyes began to water. Drops formed in the corners of his eyes, welling up and dragging slowly down this cheeks. He curled up on the bed, pulling one of the pillows into his arms, and drawing his limbs as close as he could manage. He had been wrong, so wrong. This hadn’t helped. This wasn’t what he wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr [here](http://glass-oceans.tumblr.com/), ~~come say hi!~~ come join me in damnation.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fall of Father Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific tags: depression, lack of self-care, masturbation

Kylo woke with a groan the next morning, body stiff and sore and chilled to the core from a night spent sleeping on top of the covers. His legs trembled as he slid off the bed and staggered to the bathroom. He winced at the brightness as the fluorescent light blinked and steadied, leaning on the counter to stare at himself in the mirror.

He looked as terrible as he felt. Dark circles ringed his eyes and his skin was sickly pale, far worse than it should have been for the two drinks he had consumed. He turned and looked over his shoulder at the pale lines crossing his back. Blackbeard had been covered in markings, but he hadn’t see fit to comment on Kylo’s own marks. He scrubbed one hand over his face and pushed away from the faux marble counter to pull open the shower stall door. He set the water as hot as the hotel could provide, holding his hand under the steam until the water warmed enough for him to step in.

He stood under the water, face raised to the stream until he could feel the last of the previous night’s leavings sluice away from his skin. He wanted to scrub at his skin, tear at it with rough washcloths to bring the blood to the surface, to warm him up, but even raising an arm to shut off the water sent stabs of pain across his back.

He stood dripping in the stall for several long minutes, the water barely warming him enough to move. He passed cursory presses of the towel to his skin and pulled on his clothes over still damp skin. He grabbed his bag from the closet, zipped it closed and threw it over his shoulder as he pulled open the door. He didn’t bother packing any of yesterday's purchases; let them stay there with the rest of this failed excursion. He threw the key card onto the reception desk as he passed, turned away and hurried out the door to ignore the queries from the receptionist about his early check out. He just wanted to be done with this place.

The return bus journey passed in a blur. He huddled in his seat, clutching his bag on his lap with glazed eyes that stared unseeing out the grimy window. The heat of the shower had been chased away by the November chill over his dampened clothes, and he’d sat shivering as he’d waited for the bus to depart. His body ached even more when he disembarked, and his feet dragged as he carried himself home.

He dropped the bag as soon as he crossed the threshold, barely pausing long enough to hear the door latch as it swung closed. His jacket fell in the hallway as he walked to his bathroom, t-shirt following after, discarded as he opened the door to his bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed to pull at his boots. He left them where they fell as he entered the bathroom and knelt beside the white enamel tub, turning on the taps all the way.

The room filled with steam as he rested his head on the edge of the bath, arms dangling over the water. When the rising water began to lap at his fingers, he shut off the flow, standing to push the clinging jeans from his legs. The room was half filled with steam that drifted in lazy curls out the open door into the bedroom, but it was enough to fog up the mirror. Kylo dragged one hand in a broad swipe across the glass, grimaced when his reflection looked no better than it had in the hotel.

He hissed as he stepped into the water, teeth clenched as his flesh instantly turned pink at the water line. His hands gripped the sides of the tub as he lowered himself further, eyes screwed shut as the flush moved up his body. With one hand placed over his nose and mouth, he lowered his head beneath the water, gasping as he sat upright, sweeping his hair back from his face. He lay back in the water then, knees sticking up awkwardly, and sighed as the heat soaked into his body.

As he lay in the water, eyes closed, listening to the small, irregular taps as the water dripped from his hair and fingertips to the tiled floor, his mind felt dull and sluggish, weighed down by the same cold that held tight to his bones. He didn’t feel the time pass, only noted the slight cooling of the bath water. He frowned, opened his eyes when he noted the growing chill in his knees. He sat up in the bath, watched as the water sloshed up and over the side with his motion. He rubbed his hands over his legs, lamenting the lack of bath fixtures large enough for him to submerge his entire body.

The water had cooled significantly before he moved again, stirring him from absent-mindedness. He twined his toes around the plug chain, pulling it free to let the water drain around him. He waited until the water was half drained before hauling himself up, and stepped out onto the sodden bath mat. He pulled towel after towel from the shelf, discarding each at his feet as it became damp from his skin and hair. He stumbled to his bed, spreading out as many comforters as he could find before burrowing down under the covers, willing the heat from the bath to stay in his body.

He woke up the next day to the afternoon sun cutting through the windows. Kylo groaned and struggled to bring one arm free from the covers, flailing at his bedside table until his hand landed on the clock and brought it to hover in front of his bleary eyes. He sighed heavily when the clock face resolved, letting his arm fall to the covers. He should have still been in the hotel today, he thought. He let his eyes fall on the clock still in his hand, mind blank as he watched the motions of the second hand. After several revolutions, he let the clock fall from his hand as he drew back under the covers, rolling over and pulling the sheets over his head.

When he awoke again it was dark out, the room faintly lit by a nearby street lamp. His bladder demanded his consideration and he threw back the covers, shivering in the cool of the room as he got up. He stumbled over the towels on the floor, kicking them out of his way as he relieved himself, thoughts turning to food as his stomach picked up the cries for attention. He wandered towards the kitchen, stopped only long enough to pull on a fleece robe. He stood staring at the contents of the fridge, resenting the cool air curling around his legs. After several minutes, he slammed the door closed, and picked up the phone to call for take-out. He paced restlessly through the apartment as he waited for it to arrive, before bringing the box into the bedroom to eat in bed. 

The light cut painfully through his eyelids, and Kylo struggled to orient himself. He pulled his face from the pillow, his cheek tingling with the creases left on his skin. The blankets were tangled around his legs, the pizza box landed with a dull thud, spilled the crusts onto the floor as he twisted further and fumbled to find the clock. He blinked at the face a couple of times before it came into focus and frowned at the time. His stomach had neglected to inform him that it was past lunch, which was unusual enough. But he found something else bothering him, too.

He stared at the clock again as a stab of fear lanced through his gut. It was Thursday. He should have been at the church for early morning services that day. He slowly set the clock back onto the table and lowered himself into the blankets. It was already far too late. There was nothing he could do.

Days passed at a glacial pace, and Kylo emerged from bed only to use the bathroom and collect take-out at the door. He felt his gut contract with guilt as Saturday passed, covered his head with a pillow when he heard a tentative knocking at his door. Sunday came, and still he hadn’t moved from his apartment, curtains drawn so he didn’t even have to look the short distance up the road to the church. Pizza boxes and plastic containers began to accumulate in his small kitchen, piled haphazardly over various surfaces. He hadn’t bothered to dress in days, wandering the apartment in shorts and t-shirt, robe hanging loose from his shoulders so he could have his wallet to hand when the doorbell next rang.

He was sitting on the sofa, remote in hand, when his next delivery arrived, allowing the blaring noise and colour of the television to wash over him. He tossed the remote onto the sofa beside him, dragging himself to his feet and shuffling to the front door. The delivery boy nodded as the door opened, then looked away, gaze drifting in a thousand yard stare as Kylo fumbled with his wallet. Kylo realised he’d removed the wallet from his pocket upside down when the contents spilled onto the welcome mat at his bare feet. He ignored them in favour of thumbing through the notes to find payment for his food. Ignored them until he noted the delivery boy’s wide-eyed stare as he endeavoured to look at anything but the mat.

Kylo followed his gaze down. He saw a collection of spare change, some crumpled receipts and a pair of foil wrapped condoms. He felt himself freeze as his mind scrambled to pull together an excuse for their presence. He pulled a handful of notes from his wallet, pushed them into the delivery boy's hand, grabbed the plastic bag and slammed the door. He’d forgotten all about the bloody things in his wallet. Forgotten he had them at all. He prayed that he’d pressed enough notes into the boy's hand to encourage forgetfulness, and then laughed wryly at himself as he bent to pick them up.

He retreated to the living room, setting the take-out down on the small coffee table and tapping the condoms against his leg. He hadn’t really felt any physical urges since that night in the hotel. He hadn’t felt much of anything. Still though, he thought, it’d be a shame to waste them. He opened the plastic container, shovelling a couple of mouthfuls of curry before he sat back and reached one hand into his shorts. His cock twitched fitfully in his hand, but stirred no further as he fondled his length. He let his head fall back on the couch as he willed his body to respond to his own caress. 

He groaned in frustration when his dick seemed to become even limper than when he had started. He just needed to think of something, anything, someone- his cock twitched in his hand even as he tried to shove the image of Hux from his mind. He grabbed himself roughly, trying to use the image only as long as needed. When his cock was only half hard, he tore open the foil with his teeth and cursed as he fought to roll it on. He let his head fall back again as he took himself in hand and slowly began to stroke…

Kylo awoke with a start, biting back a cry as his neck protested the sudden movement. He’d fallen asleep on the couch, body falling awkwardly against the soft cushions, and now he’d pulled a muscle in his shoulder. He sighed heavily as he worked one hand on his neck, trying to warm the muscle and work out what had woken him when a second knock sounded on the door.

Kylo frowned. There was no clock to tell him the time, no light to fall between drawn curtains, so he pulled himself to his feet, stretching stiff limbs as he stood. He groaned as he realised he was still wearing one of the condoms, sticking dry and empty to his flaccid cock. He grimaced as the considered how to dispose of it, but when the knock sounded again, he pulled it off and thrust it into the pocket of his robe, making a mental note to remember to dispose of it later.

He opened the door and blinked in the sudden light. He was unable to make out the person attached to the voice.

“Father Ren?”

Kylo blinked furiously in the light until a vaguely familiar figure appeared.

“Ah... Mr…” he pulled the robe closed, suddenly awake of his state of dress in front of someone from the community.

“Mitaka. Though please, call me Dopheld.”

“What can I do for you Mr Mi- Dopheld?”

“Well, I... can I come in?”

Kylo stepped back from the door, waving Dopheld into his apartment. He panicked briefly when he thought the man was going to enter the kitchen and see the mess, but he turned instead towards the sitting room, hovering in place until Kylo gestured towards the couch for him to sit. Kylo grabbed the TV remote, turning off the static on screen and perched on the coffee table, trying to pull his robe around himself as best he could.

“Oh, em... can I offer you tea? Coffee?” Kylo asked, half rising from his perch.

“Thank you, no, I won’t put you to the trouble,” Dopheld replied, crossing his legs and letting his hands rest easily in his lap. Kylo, by contrast, found himself fighting the desire to wrap his arms around his middle, settling instead for lacing his fingers together and holding them between his legs.

“I’m here as a, ah, representative of the parish committee,” Dopheld began. “I, ah, was volunteered to come here. To speak to you today.”

Kylo swallowed thickly. “I… uh…”

“We’ve missed you this last week at church, Father.” 

Kylo looked down rather than face the scrutiny from Dopheld. His face itched with stubble, and his lank hair and stained clothes could not have painted a convincing picture of his supposed role as shepherd and leader.

“Have you been unwell?”

“Yes! “Kylo said quickly, clutching at the offered excuse. “Eh, yes, I have. Some… some sort of ‘flu, I think.”

Kylo’s eyed flicked up in time to catch the softening of Dopheld’s expression.

“Ah, I see. Well we were all very worried for you, you see-“

“We?”

“The parish council. We didn’t think it was like you to miss service, and to leave to no message…”

Kylo coughed again, shifted on his seat as he leaned towards Dopheld.

“You mean… no one showed up?”

“There was… Who was supposed to show up?”

Kylo licked his lips, his eyes darted away as he committed himself to the lie.

“I was in contact with the diocese, well the administration end of things anyway, when I felt this coming on. They told me someone would be sent out.”

“Oh,” Dopheld replied, eyes wide. “No, we didn’t hear of anything like that.”

“I’m terribly sorry. You know I’d never abandon you. Any of you.”

Kylo smiled magnanimously as Dopheld nodded.

“Of course… Father, I-“

Kylo held up a hand to stop him, smiling as he shook his head.

“Doubt is natural, it is one of the ways He tests us after all. And it is my duty to reassure you.”

Dopheld’s smile was broad now, his shoulders dipping as the tension left his body. His eyes were bright as he looked at Kylo.

“Thank you Father. You… you always know just what to say.”

“I’m glad you think so. Is there anything else I can do for you today?”

“I, ah, no, perhaps I can help you? I know how things can build up when you’re not well” he asked, looking around the musty room.

Kylo forced himself to chuckle even as he felt his skin break out in a cold sweat.

“I am a little behind on my personal chores, but not to worry. I wouldn’t want you to catch this cold-“

“’Flu?”

“Hmm?”

“It was the ‘flu you said you had.”

Kylo ground his teeth, turned his face away as he stood.

“Ah yes, I always get those two mixed up.”

“But not to worry, I have the constitution of a horse, and it’d be my honour to help.”

“Ah…”

Kylo found his words died in his throat as Dopheld stood up and took him by the arm. 

“Why don’t you get washed up and I’ll see what I can do here.”

Kylo nodded dumbly as Mitaka lead him through to the bathroom. He quietly toed aside some of Kylo’s dropped laundry as they passed through his bedroom, but made no comment on it. He pressed a towel into Kylo’s hands, impressing on him to take his time, there was no hurry. 

“To be honest,” Dopheld said as he paused in pulling the door closed behind him “talking to you was relief enough that I’ll be glad to work off a bit of energy.”

Kylo clutched the towel as he heard Mitaka humming quietly just beyond the door. The tune paused and dipped, and Kylo could imagine him picking up his dirty clothes as he went. He dropped the towel as he started towards the door, imagined he could hear the clink of bottles as Mitaka went through the mess under the bed. His hand fell short of the door. How could he explain it away? How could he face Mitaka holding up an empty bottle, looking him in the eye as he asked how unwell he truly was. 

A sudden push, and Kylo tore the door open, surprising a Dopheld who was half tangled in the act of removing the duvet cover from his bed. He huffed as he settled the billowing cloth to the bed, blowing his hair from his forehead as he looked at Kylo. 

“Is everything ok?”

“I... you… don’t have to do that.”

Dopheld smiled and resumed his fight with the covers. 

“I always find that clean bed linen is just the thing for restful sleep.”

Kylo hesitated, eyes flicking down to the suspiciously empty space revealed by the bedclothes now piled on the frame. Dopheld couldn’t have cleared them from the room already, could he? There hadn’t been enough time, Kylo would have heard him leave the room…

Dopheld gathered up the bedclothes in his arms, along with a selection of the clothes that had been adorning the floor. He turned to Kylo, arms full and nodded towards the shower. 

“Go. I’ll take care of things here.”

Kylo stepped back and closed the door. He could hear Dopheld’s off key hum fade as he moved towards the kitchen. Kylo groaned as he thought of the sight that would greet him there. He wondered idly if there were even rubber gloves under the sink he could use so he wouldn’t have to touch food gone slimy and mouldy with his bare hands. 

Kylo felt his throat tighten as he thought about how Dopheld would look at him afterwards. The hard stare of accusation even as no words were spoken. Dopheld’s voice transformed from soft to tight as he spat Kylo’s indulgences at his feet, cursing him for taking advantage of a good man like him, a good man he was only pretending to be. 

Kylo opened his robe, letting it fall from his shoulders to the floor, stepped into the shower cubicle and turned on the water. He realised he was still dressed only when the water hit his t-shirt, plastering it to his skin. He peeled off t-shirt and shorts both, tossing them onto the tile beyond the bathtub, and leaned forward until his hair was soaked and clinging to his skin. He shut the water off again, standing and shivering as the cold water dripped down his body. It would have to be enough to convince Dopheld. 

He wrapped himself in the robe again, stepped through the growing puddle left by his discarded clothes as he left the bathroom. He left a trail of footprints in his wake as he sought out Dopheld. He could hear the humming again as he drew closer, and found him in the kitchen, drawing a wet cloth over the kitchen table. He continued in his task for a moment, oblivious to Kylo’s presence as he drew himself upright and nodded at the immaculate surface. He lifted his gaze and smiled as he looked at Kylo. 

“Ah, there you are. Feeling better?”

Kylo nodded, eyes scanning the room. It was practically empty, not so much as a dish out of place. How had he worked so fast?

Dopheld returned to the sink to wring out the cloth, drying his hands on the towel hanging below the sink. 

“I’ve started washing the bedsheets and re-dressed your bed” he said over his shoulder. “There’s a bag of rubbish there, but I’ll take care of it on my way out.”

He turned to Kylo, hands settling easily on his hips as he looked over the room. 

“I did notice...” he began.

_Ah_ , thought Kylo. _I didn’t have to wait long._

“I know take-out is easier when you’re not well, but I can drop over some chicken soup tomorrow if you like? I’ll be going to the store later, can pick up the ingredients…”

Dopheld trailed off as Kylo shook his head, small drops of water flying onto the newly cleaned table. 

“I’ve never really liked it…” Kylo said, voice small. 

Dopheld laughed. 

“Well, I suppose not even you can be perfect, eh Father?”

Kylo couldn’t join his laughter, merely felt his face heat as he looked away. None of this made any sense, why wasn’t Dopheld condemning him for what he’d found in a priest’s house? The alcohol? Condoms? Kylo thrust his hands into the pockets of the robe and could feel the foil edges of an unopened condom, as well as the crackling latex of the one he’d removed just before he’d opened the door to the man in his kitchen. Why wasn’t he saying something? It was all just staring him right in the face, he didn’t deserve-

“You’re looking a bit peaky there Father, I should probably head off and let you get some rest.”

Kylo stepped out of the way and followed as Dopheld passed him, retrieving his jacket from the couch in the living room. He shrugged the coat on, patting the pockets as he looked over the room. The curtains had been drawn back and the room seemed a little fresher. Finally running out of excuses to delay, he smiled as he looked at Kylo. 

“You know, Father, I guess, even for a priest, it can be hard to ask for help sometimes.”

Kylo blinked at him, eyes wide. 

“You’re so used to leading, to being the one to give the example… it’s hard to let go, isn’t it? Hard to reach out.”

Kylo stared at him. He felt he couldn’t understand what he was saying. 

“All you have to do is ask, that’s all I’m saying. Any time.”

Kylo smiled, though the skin felt too tight across his face as he did.

“Thank you for your visit, Dopheld, it was much appreciated.”

Dopheld murmured his goodbyes as Kylo held the door open for him, wringing his hands and nodding as the door closed. Kylo stood with his hand pressed against the wood, listening to Dopheld’s footsteps move away. The visit had prickled him, left him vaguely uncomfortable and sore like a splinter embedded under his nail. 

He turned away from the door, flopping back down on the sofa and throwing his feet up onto the coffee table. The tale he’d spun for Dopheld would buy him a few more days before he had to don his mask again. Of course, the man would talk with the other busybodies who liked to pretend they held some sort of power as they argued inane details, such as the theme of this year’s spring pageant. Unless… 

Kylo leaned forward, feet thumping down on the carpet as one leg started to shake. If any of the busybodies took it on themselves to call the bishop’s secretary, they’d know he hadn’t been in contact. They might even suspect that he hadn’t been well, and had just neglected the parish. His gut twisted as he pushed his hands through his lank hair, tugging sharply. 

Fuck. He wanted to curse the day Hux ever walked into his church. Curse himself for being so fucking weak he was in this mess with no way out. He just… he needed to be stronger. He just needed to pull himself together. He needed-

Kylo’s hands stilled in his hair. His head slowly came up as his back straightened. He knew what he needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on tumblr [here](http://glass-oceans.tumblr.com/), ~~come say hi!~~ come join me in damnation.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fall of Father Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific tags: self-harm/abuse, self-flagellation, physical violence, blood, breathplay/choking, sex with inadequate lube, no seriously this chapter gets a bit dark.

Kylo’s hands dropped slowly to his lap as a sense of calm washed over him in the wake of his decision. He hadn’t known such peace since long before Hux had first appeared at his services. He stood, padding silently back toward his bedroom, where he shed his robe and laid it along the end of the freshly made bed. In the bathroom he set the shower to blast cold water and scrubbed himself harshly with soap until his skin stung, leaving him cleaner than he had been in days. He shut the water off, watched the water drip from his fingertips to the tiles, and revelled in the feeling of renewal that coursed through him.

Naked, he returned to the bedroom and drew open the drawer in the bedside table, rooting through odds and ends until he located a plain key tied with a simple red cord. He pressed it tight in his hand until the teeth of the key bit into his palm, then knelt to remove a box from beneath his wardrobe. He slotted the key into the lock, but didn’t turn it just yet. Ritual was important to him. And ritual must be followed in the correct sequence. It was, perhaps, what had called him to the priesthood in the first place. He had to ensure that everything was in its proper place.

He was glad that his bedroom windows faced a blank wall, that he would get to do this in natural light. He knelt on the wooden floor at the end of his bed, placing the still locked box reverently in front of him. This was always the hardest part for him: he craved the release the box contained, but if acted upon too soon, without adequate preparation, it would only leave him frustrated. With effort he drew his hands back, settling them palm up upon his knees. He closed his eyes and drew deep breaths to calm himself, holding them in his chest until he could feel the slightest burn, releasing his tension with each exhale. When his eyes fluttered open again, his body felt almost as calm as his mind. _Perfect_.

Drawing his toes under as he knelt forward, he began rotate his arms before he rubbed his skin briskly, moving his hands quickly to chase blood to the surface of his skin. With his skin slightly flushed, he leaned forward and turned the key. The box held only two items, though they were infinitely precious to him. The first, he turned aside with nimble fingers, the linen cloth still rough from its newness, stained as part of the ritual from the first time he had done this. 

The shirt had been a gift from one of the older priests at the seminary; one who had seen him struggle and had taken him aside to show him some of the older ways of control. Kylo sat with him in his room in the evenings, listening to his dry voice rasp out his wisdom. Over time, he shared with Kylo the cord he twisted around his own fingers, directing him how to knot and braid it, how to shape it into the tool he would need. When Kylo had completed the discipline, the old priest had given him a simple linen shirt, something he could wear after he had flagellated himself to hide the marks from the other seminarians. 

Kylo had followed his instructions, kneeling on the cold tile of the communal showers after the others had retired, and recited the whispered psalms from the older man while striking himself with the knotted cord. For a while it had helped, but soon Kylo felt the need for more. 

He used his time in the kitchens to find and sneak away broken shards of Delft. He undid the knots he had learned, and weaved the shards into the cords of his tool. The first time he’d used the modified lash, he’d cried out so loud he stayed his hand for fear of discovery. No one had come to the door, so the following night he removed the discipline from beneath the mattress to begin again. The first blow had him bite his tongue, and the blood he had to hold in his mouth kept him silent until his troubles faded away under the sting of the flogging. 

He had slept poorly that night, muscles sore and unused to such abuse, yet the next day he felt better rested than he had in some time. He kept on the shirt the old priest had given him, not daring to stain something that might be seen and questioned by others, knowing it wouldn’t be missed in his regular laundry and that he would be able to hide it away until he was able to wash it himself. But when he removed the shirt that night, reopening the wounds that had stuck to the fibres, he was mesmerised by the patterns of his blood on the cloth; so close and yet so far from those of the saints he prayed to. He wrapped the discipline in the shirt and hid it once again beneath his bed.

Turning aside the last fold of cloth, the blood stains long since browned with age, and he swallowed against the sudden surge in his chest as he uncovered the scourge that lay nestled in the cloth. He stroked his fingers lovingly over the leather-wrapped handle. By necessity, the leather wasn’t as soft as his jacket, but it held an enticing suppleness that never failed to take his breath away. It had been expensive, a custom design he’d ordered as his first purchase with his grandfather’s money, but worth every penny. He lifted it from its linen nest, stroking the thongs over the open fingers of one hand, admiring the glint of light over the metal beads that glistened on every other strap. He inspected the beads as they drifted over his hand, knowing he was zealous in his care of this instrument, and would find no fleck of blood or rust marring their surface.

He let the hand holding the handle fall to his lap, tucking his left arm against his chest. His eyes closed as he focused once more on his breathing, silently counting the seconds to hold and release… His wrist snapped up, the cords of the scourge flowed over his shoulder to wrap around and bite at the skin of his back. He flinched at the contact, breath caught in his throat, but did not hesitate before he swung the scourge back, wrapping it around his ribs to begin inscribing a cross on the skin of his back. He groaned softly as his arm moved again, his eyelids flickering with each impact. With each blow his mind was quieting, dropping away. The world around him was fading until it was the simplicity of the motion of his arm and the lash of the beads, the quiver of his muscles and the sting as sweat ran into the torn skin of his back. 

After ten lashes, he paused long enough to draw the thongs across his fingers again. This time he examined his hand instead of the beads, and smiled blissfully when he observed the smears of blood left behind. Switching the handle of the scourge to his other hand, he tucked his right hand against his heart and fell back down to where the pain was the only thing he could feel.

Kylo could not say how much time had passed before he became distantly aware of the another sound in the room. He frowned as the noise grew louder before stopping close by. He swayed with the effort of dragging his consciousness up far enough to open his eyes. The figure blurred in front of him, and he blinked rapidly as he brought himself back to reality, struggling to focus, but when he craned his head back and took in the shock of red hair, he felt himself groan. Hux unclasped his hands where he’d held them after his last clap. 

“Very pretty show, Father. Was it good for you too?”

“What are you doing here?”

Hux folded his arms and threw a look back over one shoulder.

“I can understand church doors, but leaving the door to your own apartment unlocked is a little naïve, no?”

Kylo’s eyes refused to stay open, so he let them drift closed so he could focus on remaining upright. He didn’t want to deal with another illusion; he wanted to hold onto his calm and peace, not expend the effort in dispelling another phantom.

“You shouldn’t be here.”

Kylo could hear the smile in Hux’s reply even without opening his eyes.

“Where else would I be?”

Kylo heard him move and begin to pace the room, pausing to lift and inspect small items from the ancient vanity before moving on. Kylo’s head felt heavy as he listed to the small sounds Hux made. He reopened his eyes, but couldn’t find the strength to track Hux’s movements, instead found himself frowning at Hux’s feet; he’d never seen him wear shoes before. Now, here he was, wearing knee high boots that hugged his calves and clicked with every small step he made. Hux span on one heel, turning to face Kylo again.

“They’re talking about you, you know.”

Kylo’s frown deepened, not so much at Hux’s words but the feeling as his hard-earned calm began to crack and slip away, a dissonance that resonated with Hux’s voice, growing wider the longer Kylo entertained this vision.

“All over town, there are whispers about the good Father Ren and how he hasn’t been seen much lately” Hux continued, idly scratching one cheek as he talked. “They’re being polite enough, but, well, you know what gossip is like.”

“Get out.”

Hux blinked at the words, looking at Kylo as if surprised he had spoken. He cocked his head and smiled as he replied.

“No, I don’t think I will.”

“Get. Out!”

Hux’s smile grew wider as he shook his head.

“That would very much defeat the purpose of my being here.”

Kylo could feel resentment begin to curl in his gut. Entertaining his own madness would not help him, but he felt the words being dragged from his lips. 

“And what is that purpose?”

Hux stepped closer, taking small teasing steps and watching Kylo carefully in case he bolted like a spooked animal. Kylo sat back on his heels and watched Hux approach, his body stiff and still. Hux stopped with barely a foot of distance between them, and reached out with both hands, cupping Kylo’s face as he ran one thumb along the line of his cheek.

“You want me to be here.”

Kylo surged to his feet, roared as he shoved Hux away from him. Hux’s look of shock turned to pain as he hit the wall, breath huffing out from the impact. As he braced himself and pushed back against the wall, the reality of the situation dawned on Kylo; he was here. Hux was really here. 

Kylo’s body moved almost without thought. His arm snapped up and Hux cried out as the scourge tore across his skin, opened up the soft skin of his cheek. Before he could recover, Kylo was on him, gripped his throat tight in one hand, and spun to throw him onto the bed. He clambered onto the bed after him before he could move far, clutched at Hux’s throat and bearing down. Hux arched up into the pressure, holding Kylo’s wrist tight with both hands, keeping him close rather than pushing him away. 

Kylo tightened his grip, leaned down until he was almost close enough to kiss Hux, could feel his laboured gasps against his lips. He could feel the drum of Hux’s heels on the bed slow as his struggles became weaker. And still he arched up against him, pressing his body against Kylo’s still naked skin, so Kylo found himself responding to the contact. 

With a sob, Kylo released the hold on Hux, dragging his hand down to rest on Hux’s chest as he drew ragged gasps. Kylo lowered his head to rest on Hux’s shoulder as he fought back tears. 

“Must you take everything from me?” he whispered.

Hux gave no response, no movement save for the wheeze of his breath through his bruised throat. He lay passive and supine until Kylo lifted his head to look down at him. Hux turned his head as Kylo sat up. Holding Kylo’s gaze, his tongue flicked from his mouth to taste the blood that had trickled down from his cheek, and blood smeared on his lips he replied: 

“If I can.”

Kylo howled as he clambered over Hux and began to rain blows down on him. Hux laughed, he _laughed_ as he tried to fend off Kylo’s blows, held his hands over his face and laughed at Kylo’s rage. Kylo tried to grab his arms to hold him still, struggled to catch and hold both of his slender wrists in one hand before he struck, driving his fist into Hux’s already torn cheek. Hux’s head snapped to the side, and for a moment Kylo thought he had been knocked unconscious. He panted as he lowered his fist, waiting to see if Hux would react. And when Hux turned back to him, his eyes flashed in challenge. 

Hux’s laugh was punctuated now by Kylo’s blows as he laid into him again, connecting with his face, his chest, anywhere he could strike at him. Each blow interrupted the infernal noise he was making until he was reduced to hissing between bloodstained teeth. When Kylo released his arms to sit back and observe, he could see bruises starting to rise on his pale skin. He cracked his knuckles as he opened and closed his hand and wondered if any of the blood there was his own. One of Hux’s hands drifted to his cheek, touching the broken skin. Rubbing the blood on the tips on his fingers, he quirked an eyebrow at Kylo. 

“Is that the best you can do?”

Kylo snarled as he lunged at Hux again, twisting him over in the bed so his face pressed into the covers. He fisted one hand into Hux’s red-gold hair, pressing his face hard against the covers, trying to muffle his ability to speak. 

“What does it take to shut you up?” he growled against Hux’s ear. 

Hux muttered something that Kylo couldn’t understand through the sheets pressed against his mouth, but there was no mistaking the way he rolled his hips against Kylo’s erection. Kylo shot away from him as if shocked, loosened his grip on Hux’s hair. Hux twisted under his hand, smirking up at Kylo. 

“You can’t tell me this isn’t what you want,” he said, one eye shining up at him. “You’ve been half hard since I walked into the room.”

Kylo followed Hux’s eyes down his own body, taking in his own sweat sheened skin and the cock that jutted hard and dripping from his body. The clink of a belt opening brought his gaze back to Hux, who had reached one hand down to open his belt and slacks. 

Kylo reached out to grab him, squeezing his wrist until he gasped. He forced the arm behind his back, moved to grab Hux’s other arm until both were trapped in Kylo’s hand. With his other hand, he grabbed Hux’s hip, pulling him down until his hips hung over the bed, sliding him easily over the covers. He hooked his fingers into the waistband of Hux’s trousers and briefs together, pulling them down as far as the boots would allow, then shoved a knee between Hux’s thighs, forcing him to spread his legs as much as the position would allow. 

He allowed himself a smirk before sucking on his own thumb, swirling his tongue around the digit to coat it in spit before placing it against Hux’s hole and pressing in without preamble. He watched Hux now as he forced him open, his smile broadening as he took in the pained expression on Hux’s face. His hands flexed as Kylo began to twist his thumb inside him, but he voiced no protest bar the tension in his body as Kylo prepared him. 

Withdrawing his thumb, Kylo pressed his cock into the cleft of Hux’s ass, rubbing pre-come into his skin. He allowed the head to drag over Hux’s hole, threatening him with the slightest application of pressure. Kylo dug his fingers into Hux’s hip, holding him steady as he dragged his cock along the cleft of his ass again, pressing harder against his hole each time. He repeated the motion over and over, pushing ever so slightly more each time, until he heard Hux keen with want. 

Kylo snorted as he drew back and spat into his hand to slick his cock with saliva. He stroked his hand along his cock as he watched Hux struggle to look over his shoulder, wincing at the pull on his arms. Kylo leaned over him as he lined himself up to Hux, hand holding himself in place as he pressed slowly, oh so slowly. 

Hux gasped as the head of Kylo’s cock breached him, but Kylo refused to relent. He continued pressing himself in, the minimal lubrication was uncomfortable but he knew it would be worse for Hux and took delight in that thought. He deserved to hurt, deserved the pain for all he had done. Kylo could feel the strain down his legs, the instinct to roll his hips, to thrust into the tight heat, but he fought it down, doing nothing more than forcing himself slowly inside Hux until he finally bottomed out, and he could see Hux beneath him, teeth gritted, finally silent. 

Kylo let his weight settle on top of Hux, nuzzling into the sweat-damp hair at the back of his neck. Hux had turned his head to the side, and Kylo watched his mouth move with sharp panted breaths, hearing it catch every time Kylo’s weight shifted. The eye that Kylo could see was still screwed shut, but Kylo could see the glimmer on wetness on his eyelashes. He smiled as he lifted himself off Hux’s back, dragging his hand down from Hux’s hands to rest in his hair, smiled as the motion moved him ever so slightly inside him. 

Kylo stroked his hand through Hux’s hair, watched Hux carefully as he did. He waited for his expression to fold into confusion at the tender gesture, then fisted his hand in those locks and began to thrust hard. Hux’s silence was instantly broken by his whimpers as Kylo pumped into him. He had been thinking about this for so long, having Hux back, being able to fold him in his arms. But now he was finally here, all Kylo could think of was making him suffer. Kylo dragged Hux’s head up by his hair, feeling a deep pleasure pulse in his gut as he cried out. His hands scrabbled for purchase on the bed covers, trying to brace himself against Kylo’s thrusts. 

Kylo released Hux’s hip from his grasp, sliding his hand up under his skirt to expose the skin of Hux’s back. Unlike his own, it was unmarred by scars, his skin perfect and pale, coated with a thin sheen of sweat. Kylo’s movements slowed as his head turned to seek out the scourge he’d dropped on the floor when he’d grabbed Hux. He wished he had it in his hand now, so he could lay stripes across Hux’s back and listen to him scream. He tried to drag his nails down his back instead, but they were so short they barely left red lines on his skin, though Hux keened and arched into the sensation. Teeth bared, Kylo leaned down to nip at Hux’s neck. 

“Nothing to say?” he asked softly. Hux smiled and turned his head as much as he could, baring his neck to Kylo’s attentions. Kylo tightened his grip in Hux’s hair and shook his head, making his red-gold hair dance over his fingers. 

“Oh no, I’m not making it that easy for you.”

He began to move his hips again, short, shallow thrusts while he forced Hux to arch his back further, so he gasped for breath as much from the position as the sensations. He moved back to angle his thrusts, drawing back deeper, keeping his movements slow until he felt Hux flinch and shudder under him. He smiled wickedly, maintaining the position, the angle until he could see Hux’s face glowing red, his breath coming shorter... 

Kylo dropped his hand to squeeze at the base of Hux’s cock, withdrawing completely from his body. He laughed as Hux groaned, his body shaking at the loss of sensation. Satisfied that he had pulled him back from his climax, Kylo pushed himself into Hux again, setting himself into a rhythm of long, slow thrusts to chase his own pleasure. He let his head fall back and lost himself in the sensations, his arms stiff as he held Hux exactly where he wanted him. He listened for Hux’s whimpers as he moved, the small sounds settling into a place in his chest, filling in the cracks he’d created. 

He was starting to feel his own limbs shake when he released his hold on Hux, allowing him to fall boneless to the bed. He grabbed his hips, digging his fingers into the flesh as he desperately chased his release before his own body gave out completely. His legs were trembling now; he hadn’t been prepared for this to happen. He was always exhausted after he flogged himself, able to do little more than collapse in bed, tending to his skin the following morning. 

His hair fell over his eyes, sticking to his forehead as he desperately tried to keep his rhythm, hips stuttering as fatigue crept over him. He reached around Hux to grab his cock again, squeezing it roughly. Hux gasped, his body spasming, providing the final push for Kylo who groaned as he came. Kylo collapsed on top of Hux, panted as he tried to get his breath back. 

After a few moments he could feel Hux trying to twist awkwardly underneath him. He moved slightly, allowing Hux to roll over so one shoulder pressed into Kylo’s chest. He could feel the fingers of Hux’s other hand begin to card through his hair, rubbing gentle circles on his scalp with his fingernails. Kylo lifted his head slowly to look at him. Hux’s hand moved to the side of the face, cupped his cheek with the motion, and he started into Kylo’s eyes for what seemed like a long time. Hux smiled then, his lips bloody. 

"Tell me Father, am I purged of your sin yet?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case anyone is still keeping track of these things, this is the chapter containing the scene that G originally requested. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr [here](http://glass-oceans.tumblr.com/), ~~come say hi!~~ come join me in damnation.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fall of Father Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific tags: reference to scars/self-harm, possessive behaviour, physical violence, breathplay/choking, rough sex.

Kylo woke slowly; his body felt warm and heavy, sated in a way that made him smile as he stared at the ceiling. The scars on his back pulled as he moved, but with clean, even sheets under him, he was able to move so one hand rested behind his head, the other idly thumbing the edge of the sheet over his hips. He sighed deeply and allowed himself to enjoy the silence of the early morning while his mind was still and empty.

A small sound beside him drew his attention, and he turned his head as Hux stirred beside him. Hux had kicked off the blankets completely at some point during the night, and Kylo let his eyes roam over his body now as he began to stir. He raised his arms over his head as he stretched, back arching from the bed, before letting his head loll over to meet Kylo’s gaze.

His eyes were half lidded, a smirk spreading on his lips. When his tongue peeked out to wet them, Kylo rolled over on top of him to chase his tongue back into his mouth. Kylo could feel Hux wince where his cheek stretched, but he leaned into the kiss with as much passion as Kylo gave to it, sliding his arms around Kylo’s shoulders to tangle his hands in his hair. Kylo groaned, leaning more of his weight onto Hux. He could feel himself becoming hard, and his hips began to rut of their own accord against Hux’s leg.

Hux moaned against him, pulling Kylo tighter against him. But when Kylo shifted again, moving to put more of his body over Hux’s, he made a noise of protest, hands leaving his hair to push against his chest. Kylo broke the kiss, frowning down at Hux. 

“Get off,” Hux muttered. “I need to piss.”

Kylo’s expression darkened, but he rolled off Hux and onto his back. Hux huffed and slid off the bed, making his way towards the bathroom. Kylo turned to watch him go, enjoying the sight of his slender form, but enjoying the sight of his slight limp even more. Hux smirked back at Kylo as he closed the bathroom door, leaving Kylo to resume his contemplation of the cracks in the ceiling paint. 

Reality was determined to intrude on his comfort. His back felt sore and itchy now from the movement, and he squirmed in the bed. He could feel a sense of discomfort settling in his gut. He turned his head to listen to the sounds of water splashing through the closed door, one hand idly rubbing his stomach, welcoming the distraction.

A few moments more and the door reopened. Hux crossed briskly to the bed, lying down on his stomach and propping his chin on one hand to watch Kylo. When Kylo didn’t meet his eye, he stretched out his other hand, and idly drew circles on his shoulder with his fingertip.

“You’re going to have to go out” he murmured into the quiet of the room. That finally brought his attention back, and he turned his head to blink at Hux.

“You’re going to have to pick up something I can use to treat this” he continues, tapping one finger near his bruised and broken cheek, “as well as something for your own back.”

Kylo snorted, but rolled onto his side to face Hux. Hux withdrew his hand while Kylo turned, but returned it to trace lines over his chest, watching the patterns he drew in the hair there.

“What do you usually use? There’s nothing in your bathroom.”

“I don’t use anything.”

Hux’s eyes flashed up to meet Kylo’s, his brows drawing in as he considered the answer. He sighed, pulled his hand away from the warmth of Kylo’s skin.

“You’re an idiot, Kylo.”

He turned and made to get out of the bed, but Kylo’s arm appeared around his waist, drawing him in tight. He began to nip along the bruises on Hux’s throat, making him squirm under the attention. Kylo began to harden again, and rolled his hips against Hux’s ass. He trailed one hand down Hux’s abdomen, knuckles brushing against his cock where it was starting to respond to the attention. Hux moaned low.

“And if you weren’t a complete idiot, you could consider this an opportunity to pick up some other supplies too.”

Kylo bit down hard on the junction between his neck and shoulder, and when he squealed, pushed him with his body down into the mattress.

* ** *** ** *

The afternoon was well advanced when Kylo finally peeled himself away from Hux’s body. He skipped the shower, preferring the scent of their combined sweat on his skin. Despite the activity, his muscles had still been stiff when he dressed, pulling his shirt on slowly while Hux had watched from the bed with a half-smile.

Kylo lingered in the aisles of the store now, basket hanging from one hand as he looked over the various first aid supplies. Kylo had tried to argue Hux’s insistence on making him leave, but Hux had turned his scabbed cheek to his view, one hand trailing down the bruises that littered his neck, and simply asked him how he thought it would look if he were seen leaving the priest's own house so battered. 

So Kylo found himself waiting to pay, eyes skimming lightly over the other people there so he could avoid making small talk. His eyes were caught by the counter display, and he thought back to Hux’s comment about supplies, but dismissed completely the idea when the shop assistant called him by name.

The evening was beginning to turn cold as he walked back. He sped up, raising a slight sweat that stung the wounds on his back. He was torn between wanting to go slowly and savour the sensation, and wanting to arrive back to pull Hux into a shower with him. His body was starting to warm to the idea as he reached the door and fumbled with his keys. Since Hux’s unexpected arrival, he had made a point of drawing the bolt on the door; the last thing he needed was someone else walking in while Hux was here.

He was tempted to call out, to summon Hux naked from the bed as soon as he got in, but froze as he heard multiple voices coming from the kitchen. He closed the door quietly behind him but could already hear the change in volume that said his return had been noted. He dropped his keys onto the table by the door and steeled himself to the unexpected reception that awaited.

“Father Ren!” Dopheld called as he came into sight.

Kylo paused in the doorway to take in the scene in front of him. It was almost like a cosy social call; mismatched mugs of tea sat on the table, Hux’s cradled in his hand, Dopheld’s as a toy to tap his fingers against. Hux had scavenged biscuits from somewhere, though they sat untouched on their plate. It could have been the perfect image of domestic bliss, were it not for the glint in Hux’s eye while Dopheld’s attention was turned away. 

Kylo stepped back to shrug off his jacket, hanging it in the hall where he could hear hushed voices speaking. The sounds dropped away completely when he re-entered the kitchen, though he could feel their eyes on his back as he dropped his bag on the counter. He turned around as Dopheld picked up the teapot to pour into a third mug, pushing it across the tabletop towards Kylo. Kylo picked up the mug, letting it dangle from his fingertips as he looked between the two men. 

Hux had thrown on one of Kylo’s pullovers, the garment hanging loose over his slender frame. Under Dopheld’s watch, he tugged at the sleeves to pull them down over his hands, fingering at the neckline of the jumper. It was an act Dopheld bought entirely, judging by his sympathetic look. 

“So.. what brings you here today?”

Dopheld was slow to turn his gaze away from Hux. Kylo watched his hands twitch like he wanted to reach out to him. Kylo felt his fingers tighten on his own mug. 

“I.. well, I meant to call just on you, Father, to see how you were getting on after my last visit. I was quite surprised when the door was opened by Mr. Hux here.”

Hux simpered as Dopheld nodded to him. Kylo took a gulp of too-hot tea to cover the sneer that curled his lip. 

“He invited me in, said you’d just gone out to pick up a few groceries, and he’s been telling all about why he’s here.”

Kylo swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. 

“He… told you?”

“Oh yes! I must say, it’s very good of you to take him in.”

“I… took him?”

“I told him about the mugging,” Hux said, turning his falsely angelic face to Kylo. “How they robbed me, left me battered and bruised. But you found me, and brought me back here to take care of me. Gave me solace.”

Hux’s eyes sparkled so much with this last comment that Kylo had no option but to look away, biting his lip. He set his cup down on the counter he was leaning against; shifting his hands behind his back he gripped the edge until he felt the skin over his knuckles strain. From the corner of his eye he saw Dopheld rest one hand gently on Hux’s arm. 

“Come now, Mr. Hux...”

“Dopheld…”

“Sorry, Armitage,” Dopheld smiled as he continued. “You’re embarrassing the poor man.”

Armitage? 

Kylo would have laughed outright then at poor, stupid Dopheld, so naive that he swallowed down all of Hux’s lies like the honey that sweetened his tea. He watched as Hux- Armitage- turned around to him again, expression soft as he placed long fingers over the hand still resting on his arm. 

“Well, Dopheld, I imagine this one has talked your ear off all morning. We can’t be delaying you any longer.”

Dopheld jumped at Kylo’s voice, almost startled as he pulled his hand away from Hux. He pushed his chair back and stood, groping for the coat hanging from the back of it, recognising the dismissal in Kylo’s voice. Hux, for his part, sat back in his chair, sleeve-covered hands wrapped around his mug of tea. He lifted his mug to his lips as Dopheld put on his coat, smiling sweetly at him over the rim as he waved a goodbye. 

Kylo followed him out to the door, blocking Hux from his line of sight as much as he could, using his bulk to intimidate the other man. Dopheld reached one hand for the latch on the door, then turned to Kylo with a thoughtful expression on his face;

“I have to confess, Father” he began, “though I know it’s not service time, ha-ha.” 

Dopheld coughed at the expression on Kylo’s face, his attempt at humour falling flat. 

“I was a little worried when I called on you before. I.. gosh, I feel terrible for saying this, but something didn’t seem quite right. I felt you were keeping something from me.”

“Oh?”

"Now it makes sense,” Dopheld gestured towards the kitchen. “Armitage’s story wasn’t yours to tell. Clearly you were worried about him..."

Dopheld's hand was worrying at the edge of the door, his fingers clenching and tapping along the wood panelling. 

"Was there something else on your mind?"

Dopheld instantly flushed, colour staining his cheeks as if Kylo had read his thoughts. 

"I, um.. well..."

"Dopheld, spit it out."

Dopheld coughed, trying to smother his surprise at Kylo's tone. He stared at a spot just beyond Kylo's shoulder as he visibly steeled himself to speak. 

"Would you mind if I called over again?"

"I’m sorry?"

"I don't mean to intrude into your space, you've already made yourself so available to people and this is your sanctuary, but... as long as Armitage is here, would you mind if I called again?"

"You want to see Armitage?"

"Yes, I... Yes."

Kylo felt his teeth clenching as he shook his head. 

"I don't think that's a good idea Dopheld."

"You... don't?"

"Hux is recovering from his... experience, I don't think having to see strangers will help him."

"I'm hardly a stranger after today."

"All the same, I think it best if you didn't."

"Oh."

Kylo started at Dopheld's crestfallen expression, reaching around him to pull the door open fully. 

"If... if you think so Father… I, um… don’t worry. I won’t say a word about his being here, so no-one else will call on you."

"Thank you, I'd appreciate it.”

Dopheld stepped through the open door but turned as Kylo began to close it. 

“You take care of yourself, Father. And of him.”

“Oh I will,” Kylo promised. “You can be sure of that.”

Kylo closed the door quietly after him, his whole body tense with sudden anger. He could hear Dopheld move away from the door, though he didn’t dare give into the impulse to drive his fist into the wood. Instead, he took several deep breaths, rolling his shoulders. To turned back to the kitchen, and found Hux staring into his mug as he swirled the liquid around. 

“What the hell was that?”

“What was what?” Hux asked, his attention still focused on the mug. 

Kylo crossed to the table, banging his fist down on the surface. Hux didn’t jump at the noise, but he stilled his hands to look up at Kylo. He watched him for a moment, then tilted his head as he smiled. 

“You seem annoyed about something.”

“What’s your name?”

“I told you: Hux.”

“Dopheld called you Armitage.”

“Oh that,” Hux’s lips twisted sourly. “Little idiot needed something to distract him. He thought we were such good friends.”

“So your name isn’t Armitage?”

“Oh no, it is.”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?”

Hux shrugged, one shoulder casually lifting and dropping again. Kylo sighed and dragged one hand through his hair. 

“What else did you tell him?”

Kylo had Hux’s full attention now. His eyes were open wide in imitation of innocence as he set down the mug on the table, short nails drumming on the sides as he looked at Kylo. Kylo, in turn, tried to glare at him, trying to intimidate him into some kind of cooperation, but he remained completely oblivious. 

“Why, Kylo, are you jealous?”

“What?” Kylo asked, standing up from the table, fists clenching. “Of course not.”

“Of course not” Hux repeated dryly. He twisted the mug around, fingers gripping it lightly around the rim. “Not even if I told you I fucked him?”

“YOU WHAT?!” Kylo roared, tearing the table out of the way to grab for Hux. Hux made no move to get away, hands clinging to the sides of the chair until Kylo grabbed the jumper in his fists, hauling him bodily up and slamming him against the wall. Kylo pressed in on top of him, growling in his face. He wanted to tear him apart, he wanted to hurt him even worse than he had last night, he wanted to know why the hell he was laughing...

Kylo loosened his grip in confusion, allowing Hux to settle his weight on his feet. He eyes shone as he reigned in his mirth, lifting one hand to caress Kylo’s cheek. 

“Give me some credit. I do have standards.”

Kylo grunted as Hux’s other hand, unseen, had crept down and now began to stroke him through his trousers. 

“Look at the little prick. He can barely say two words to you without breaking out in a nervous sweat.” Hux’s hand crept up to flick open the button of Kylo’s trousers, his hand snaking under the waistband to stroke Kylo’s cock to hardness. “He wouldn’t be able to give me what I need.”

Kylo met Hux’s eyes. He slowly slid one hand from its loose grip in the jumper to wrap around Hux’s neck, holding him there. Hux’s grin widened as Kylo flexed his fingers, and he let his head fall back to the wall. He tightened his grip on Kylo through his underwear, using it to draw him closer, his other hand sliding into Kylo’s hair. Kylo followed the pressure willing, rutting into Hux’s hand while he buried his mouth in the sliver of Hux’s neck not covered by this hand, nipping at the flesh there. 

“Yes,” Hux hissed beside his ear. “You can though... Can’t you?” 

Kylo grinned as he pulled the sweatpants he was wearing, his sweatpants stolen from the laundry basket, down on Hux’s hips. Looking down between their bodies, he could see the sweats tenting with Hux’s erection already. Kylo carefully pulled the fabric lower at the back, keeping Hux’s cock trapped under the elastic of the waistband. He smoothed his hand over Hux’s exposed skin, ran his thumb along the line of his hip bone. Hux walked his fingertips up Kylo’s length, sliding them under the hem of his underwear. He scraped his nails along the rough hair there, the backs of his fingers just barely brushing against him. Kylo stilled, breath held as he waited for his touch, and when Hux finally stroked him skin to skin, gliding his hand over the head to smear the droplets of moisture along his cock, twisting his hand just so, Kylo cried out, crushing Hux to the wall. 

He eased back his hips just enough to grab his ass with both hands, lifting him up. Hux wrapped his legs eagerly around Kylo, pulling his hand from Kylo’s underwear to wrap his arms around his shoulders. He kneaded Hux’s ass with both hands, pulling the cheeks apart as he moved one hand round to tease at his hole. He could feel Hux tense against his, hips trying to twitch away as he stroked the area. Grinning into Hux’s neck, be pressed the tips of two fingers into him. 

“Nngh!” Hux clung tighter to Kylo as he tried to squirm away. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“You know damn well it does” Hux spat back. He curled his body as best he could around Kylo and nipped the shell of his ear. “But don’t stop.”

Kylo pressed his fingers further in, feeling Hux spasm around him, his body trembling with the effort of remaining relaxed and calm. Kylo could almost like him like this, silent and helpless. He could hear Hux panting, fingers stuffed into his mouth as he tried not to moan into Kylo’s shoulder. Every time Kylo felt him start to pull himself together, heard the wet sound as he made to remove his fingers from his mouth to speak, Kylo would twist his hand, pressing deeper within him. When Kylo had both fingers driven as deep as they would go, scissoring and twisting them to hear Hux’s hisses, he finally allowed him to speak, to beg for what he wanted. 

“Nh, Kylo, please…”

“Say it.”

“I… I want… ah, fuck me.”

“I could get Dopheld back here for that.”

Kylo grinned as Hux’s weak punch at his shoulder. 

“I want you, ah damnit… I want you to fuck me.”

Kylo began to remove his fingers, adjusting his stance against the wall to hold Hux up. He could imagine Hux’s grin from even with his face still buried in Kylo’s shoulder, could imagine how smug the insufferable bastard was going to be, getting his own way, again. Which only made the way Hux yelped in shock and pain as Kylo dropped him and stepped away from the wall all the sweeter. 

Kylo put one hand to the waistband of his trousers, holding them up as he stepped away from Hux. Hux braced himself against the wall as he pulled himself upright, glaring at Kylo. Kylo rather enjoyed the look of indignant outrage on his face, but he turned away from him to riffle through the chemist bag, palming the small tub of petroleum jelly. Hux’s eyes followed the movement, and he crossed his arms over his chest. 

“You had that the whole time?”

Kylo lifted one shoulder, let it fall again as he returned to Hux.

“You seemed to be enjoying yourself.”

“But why get it now?

Kylo leaned in to kiss Hux, but the other man turned his face away. Kylo reached out to catch his chin in his hand, forcing his face back to Kylo could press his lips to his, lapping at the join, enticing Hux to open for him. Hux resisted a moment longer, then quickly parted his lips to nip at Kylo’s lip. Kylo moaned and pressed himself against Hux, taking the risk to press him tongue into Hux’s mouth. 

Hux jumped as the tub hit the floor behind him. He looked down at the movement between them, could see that Kylo had shoved down his underwear just enough to free his cock and was slicking it up with a generous portion of the jelly. 

“You didn’t answer my question,” he said, eyes never leaving the movement of Kylo’s hand. 

Kylo continued stroking for longer than was necessary, sliding his thumb over the head of his cock, enjoying the way Hux’s flush deepened as Kylo gasped at the sensation. When he finally pulled his hand away, Hux looked up to meet his eyes, never looking away as Kylo reached behind him, roughly swiping the excess jelly along the cleft of his ass before lifting him up again, encouraging him to wrap his legs to wrap around his waist. 

“Can’t have you getting everything your own way.”

Kylo reached under his legs, taking himself in hand to guide himself to Hux’s hole. He began to tease Hux, brushing the head of his cock along his cleft, pressing it into the soft skin between his legs, even positioning himself to graze against his balls. He held Hux’s gaze the entire time, watching for a crack in his composure. He had already begged so prettily for Kylo once, he just wanted to hear it again. His face was already flushed, his throat working as Kylo teased him, but he wasn’t making a sound. 

With a snarl, Kylo moved himself back to Hux’s entrance and pushed himself in. Hux gasped as he was breached, a smile curving his lips as his arms wound round Kylo’s neck.  
“Not everything, but still, most things.”

Kylo threaded a hand into Hux’s hair, forcing his head back as he mouthed along his throat. He thrust in slowly, resisting the twitches of Hux’s hips to draw him in faster, deeper. When he was only halfway seated, he withdrew, delighted in the feel of Hux’s groan vibrating in his throat. He began to move in incremental thrusts again, driving himself just a little deeper, waiting for the moment when he could feel Hux’s body begin to tighten with anticipation before denying him again. 

Kylo continued the game as long as he was able, his skin feeling tight over his whole body, his shirt dark with sweat. He drew back slowly one final time, before thrusting hard, slamming himself into Hux’s body to the root. Hux cried out, but Kylo didn’t relent, driving himself hard. He could hear Hux keening, feel his nails scrabbling for purchase across his back. 

Kylo could feel his legs start to shake as he summoned what strength he could, pounding hard into Hux. Hux cried out with each thrust, his voice climbing higher, his own body shaking until with a final cry, he came hard, back arched so tight he pushed both of them away from the wall. Kylo grip was bruising on Hux’s hips, feeling himself fall over the edge as Hux’s body tightened everywhere around him. 

He lifted one hand from Hux’s hips, bracing them both against the wall as they panted for breath. Hux’s head was still tilted back, so Kylo nuzzled his skin, too exhausted to do anything more. 

“Mine” he gasped against his skin. “You’re mine.”

Hux laughed, arms draped loose over Kylo’s shoulders. 

“Am I?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost there!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fall of Father Ren

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter specific tags: alcohol mention, selfish lover, corruption

_The room was filled with that twilight quality of early morning or late evening; Kylo couldn’t have said which, nor did he really care. No sounds came from outside to disturb the quiet of the room. He lay on his back, head turned to watch Hux in the bed beside him. Hux lay on his stomach, arms hugging a pillow under his head, and he blinked at Kylo lazily, like a cat._

_Uncharacteristically affectionate, Kylo reached out and brushed the backs of his fingers against the faint scars on Hux’s cheek., running the pad of his thumb across the bow of his lips. Hux sighed under the touches, though his eyes lost none of their edge._

_“My fallen angel,” Kylo murmured._

_Hux smiled, amused._

_“Is that what you think I am?”_

* ** *** ** *

Kylo awoke with a start. Even before he turned his head he knew that the bed was empty, but that didn’t stop him from stretching out his hand, trying to capture the last traces of warmth left in the sheets. Kylo’s fingers brushed over the dip his body had left in the mattress, ran his fingers along the creases in the sheets where he had moved.

He knew without a doubt that Hux was gone, slipped away while Kylo still slept. There would be no trace left of him in the apartment, barely any indication of his stay here, no more than he would have left clues to where he had gone. Kylo wanted desperately to chase after him, but if there was one thing he had learned about Hux it was that he was only found when he wanted to be.

He slid from the covers, dragging his hand reluctantly away from the creases in the sheets that Hux had created and began to step through his apartment. His coat hung alone beside the door. The newly replaced kitchen table stood clean and empty. The kitchen was immaculate, everything put away in its proper place. He felt like the house was holding its breath, waiting for something.

* ** *** ** *

_Hux stretched languidly, and then moved towards Kylo. He placed his hands daintily on Kylo’s chest, resting his chin there for a moment as considered Kylo beneath him. Kylo felt he was being weighed and measured, evaluated for some purpose Hux had never deigned to share with him. He raised one hand, caressing the curve of Hux’s hip as he studied Kylo._

_Hux blinked and leaned up from Kylo, just enough that he could slide himself over his body. One long leg stretched over his hips, skin brushing over as much of Kylo’s body as he could reach, grinding his pelvis down onto him as he moved his hips. He grazed his chest over Kylo’s, slipping his hands down and up his torso as he moved. Kylo’s skin felt on fire wherever Hux touched it, and he arched and leaned into the touch as much as he could._

_Kylo gave a wordless cry when Hux pulled away from him. He moved so Hux was sitting over him, ankles hooked over Kylo’s thighs, then leaned forward until his hands were on the pillow to either side of his head. He let his head fall slowly until his hair was in Kylo’s eyes, teasing Kylo by just brushing his nose against his cheeks, letting him feel the softness of his lips against his skin. Then he lowered himself still further until he could steal a single chaste kiss from his lips._

_“I’m as human as you are.”_

* ** *** ** *

Kylo returned to the bedroom and dressed; dark jeans, the jumper Hux had so favoured while he had been there. Kylo convinced himself that it still had some of the scent that was Hux, and not just the perfume of his own shower gel and shampoo. He withdrew his bag from the wardrobe and began to pack. The locked box was placed first, carefully wrapped in some spare t-shirts, the key going into Kylo’s own pocket. The rest of his spare clothes followed.

As he wandered the apartment again, Kylo came to realise how little he truly owned. Nothing in the apartment felt like it belonged to him, or had absorbed his touch. The furnishings were almost exactly as they had been when he arrived; he’d never even felt the urge to paint the walls and give the place something of his own personality. Everything felt now like it had been merely holding, a place waiting for him to move on from, never something he could call his own. 

When he began to feel dissatisfied and irritable, he went back to his bedroom and zipped up the bag. He swung the bag onto his shoulder, and turned to leave before a flash of colour on the vanity caught his attention. He let the bag drop the the floor and crouched down to lift up the band of his priest’s collar. He hadn’t thought about it in months, hadn’t worn it for weeks. 

He held it up to his neck, slipping it around his neck and holding it in place over the collar of the jumper. It felt like a slave’s collar, restricting his breathing, his range of motion and left him feeling even more out of place than he did in the apartment. He tossed it back onto the counter. It was a chain he was eager to be rid of. It was time to leave.

* ** *** ** *

_Hux sat back, and to Kylo all the light of the room narrowed until he could see only him. Hux stretched again, pulling his hands through his hair before joining them and twisting them above his head. His body trembled with the effort, and Kylo rested his hands lightly on Hux’s knees. Hux held the position as he began to roll his hips, his upper body swaying as if he was dancing to music he alone could hear. Kylo groaned, letting his head fall heavy onto the pillow, eyes closing, as his body responded to the motion, his fingers tightening on Hux’s legs, though it did nothing to affect his movement._

_Kylo opened his eyes again, when he felt Hux’s hands brush over his own, fingertips dancing over his knuckles. Hux was gazing down at him with something like amusement, a flush high on his cheeks as his own body responded to his dance. He grazed his hands along Kylo’s arms, biting his lip as he held himself back._

_“Will you do something for me Kylo?”_

* ** *** ** *

Kylo had left without a plan, had simply pulled the door shut and walked away. It was easier than he’d ever imagined. He’d thought of it before, of course. Nights in the seminary before the lessons from the old priest that brought him the extra control he desired. Days in parishes before this one where he couldn’t seem to connect with the people. Every time he thought of it as a divine challenge of his own weaknesses, a test that he struggled to pass. Now it felt like it had never been worth fighting for in the first place.

For a while he entertained the thought of tracking Hux down, finding him and never letting him leave again, but he quickly dismissed the idea. Fuck Hux. Kylo was done chasing him. Hux had found him once; let him come crawling back in his own time.So Kylo wandered in the weeks that followed, never staying anywhere for too long. He took odd jobs that took advantage of his size and strength; manual labour, cash in hand, work that was available as long as he didn’t ask too many questions, occasional work as a bouncer. 

He gathered something of a reputation as time went on. His name was known and getting work became easier. He was reliable, if sullen, given to answering as few questions as he asked. With the work came contacts, and with the contacts information, and soon he was able to find things, people, that had been hidden to him before. He did nothing with the knowledge, though; he simply bided his time and allowed his days to pass in sweat and grime, with his evenings spent in bars with bottles of beer lukewarm from being held too long. 

He let his gaze wander, rolled his shoulders and drew attention to himself. He was never short on offers of company, but preferred to take home the ones with the pale, cruel eyes, the ones that would spit insults as he dominated them with his body. Those would find their way back into his bed night after night. At first he was happy for the distraction, the willing body that would seek him out. But inevitably, their eyes would soften with unspoken affection and Kylo would turn them out; he had no desire to hear their soft words. 

More often than not, he would move on when this happened, leaving during the night after the tearful appeals grew tiresome, so instead they would be made to the locked door of an empty room, a phone number that was discarded as he left the city. None of them could offer him what he wanted.

* ** *** ** *

_Kylo licked dry lips._

_“What is it?”_

_Hux grinned at Kylo’s answer. Before he could say anything else, he shifted his weight, reaching behind himself to take Kylo in hand. He groaned as Hux stroked him, grin wide as he coaxed more sound from his with a twist of his hand, before sliding his hand to his base and holding him steady as he impaled himself. Kylo watched Hux transfixed, every little twitch of his face as he lowered himself down, his mouth open and lips wet, tiny little sounds breaking free from his throat as he stretched around Kylo._

_Halfway seated, he moved his hands to Kylo’s stomach, fingers splayed across the muscle as he braced himself. Achingly slowly, he began to lift his hips, drawing Kylo out before rolling his hips and sinking down a little farther. Kylo was beyond words as he watched Hux continue his dance, sweat beginning to gather on his temple and above his lip as he moved. He wanted so much from Hux then; to taste the sweat as he kissed him, to raise his hands and brush back the hair that began to cling to his forehead, to move his own body so he cried out and begged Kylo for all the things he wanted to hear… Instead he lay transfixed, caught in the spell of Hux’s motions._

_Hux arched his back as he bottomed out, nails raking across Kylo’s stomach, his head thrown back. Kylo lay still beneath him, waiting on instruction, some crack in the spell that would allow him to move again. He licked his lips and imagined it was Hux’s sweat he was tasting._

* ** *** ** *

Kylo didn’t often take days off; they left him too much time with only his own thoughts for company. But sometimes the wait until the nightclubs opened was too long, so he took to running along the beach, ignoring the people that reclined on the sand as well as the ones who tried to get his attention.

In the steady beat of his feet on the path, he lost track of time, stopped only when the sun was past its peak, and his hair was plastered to his head. He grabbed a bottle of water from a nearby shop and collapsed on a bench, pressing the condensation from the plastic to his cheeks and neck before opening and downing half the contents in one go. 

Refreshed, he started to take in the area around him. There was a concrete area a little way down the strip. Kids and their skateboards surrounded it, tinny music drifted down from where they gathered. People walked by him, some pulling down sunglasses to make their invitation clear, but he avoided eye contact with all of them. These people and their games were beneath him. Until he noticed the basketball court. 

A group of lanky teenagers, boys on the cusp of adulthood passed a ball easily between them, divided into teams of bare-chested vs t-shirts. Kylo could make out snatches of banter from where he sat, could see the easy smiles and touches passes between them. And he could see the one that didn’t quite fit in. 

He gave his full attention to the game, enjoying the easy movements of muscles and skill, while allowing his eyes to constantly drift over his target. His attention sharpened when the game ended and the blond man he’d been watching shook hands with a few of the teens, before he crossed to the side to pull his shirt on over his t-shirt. Kylo noted the moment when the man’s eyes seemed to glance over everything but him. As he adjusted the fall of the shirt over his shoulders, he looked up and met Kylo’s eye directly, his face flushing in a way that had nothing to do with the game he had played. 

Buttons done up, he fixed and adjusted the separate white collar, and Kylo had to raise a hand to smother the laughter that threatened to bubble up from the very core of his body. Oh this was just too perfect. He was almost everything that Kylo needed. Almost perfect.

* ** *** ** *

_Hux’s head snapped forward as he began to move, eyes clouded yet still sharp enough to cut through to Kylo’s soul. Kylo began to move under him, small circles of his hips that made Hux shudder and close his eyes when they crested the motion together._

_Kylo slid his hands up Hux’s legs; fingers digging into his thighs as he sought to pull Hux flush against him. He spread his legs further; tried to gain purchase against the sheets as he thrust, his mind narrowing in pursuit of his release. Hux’s breathy moans were being replaced by bitten off cries, his nails digging into Kylo’s wrists, urging him to thrust harder, harder, until Hux screamed to the ceiling._

_Kylo following him after, his own scream tense and silent as his back arched hard enough to lift them both from the bed. As he collapsed back to the mattress, he could see Hux’s lips move as he spoke his desire;_

_“Worship me.”_

* ** *** ** *

Finding out the man’s name after the game was a simple matter, as was learning his routine so Kylo could be sure that he always appeared at the corner of his vision like a ghost, but never became corporeal enough to be confirmed as a living being rather than a fever dream. Patience was an easy thing now that his attention was focused. He could almost feel Hux’s curiosity as his movements stopped, feel him turn back towards Kylo with a tilt of his head, wanting to know what this game was, how he could join.

It was with Hux in mind that Kylo entered the church on a hot Wednesday afternoon, glad of the old stone building that shielded him from the heat of the afternoon inside. The church was quiet, only a few who had come to attend confession that day as Kylo took a seat in the pews and waited until the church was all but empty. He could truly appreciate Hux’s actions now, how cleverly he had crafted everything. And with Kylo’s own plans about to come to fruition, he felt sure this would be a sacrifice worthy of him. 

When the last person left the confessional box, Kylo rose and made his way to the curtained enclosure. His heels clicked on the tiled floor, announcing his arrival to the priest who waited within. Kylo drew back the curtain and knelt in the dusty space within. The man was still muttering in prayer of the last soul to speak to him, head bent and eyes closed, giving Kylo the opportunity to admire his profile close up. 

Unlike that day on the beach, his hair was clean and fell loose and soft to either side of his face. His moustache and beard were trimmed, but Kylo couldn’t help imagining how ticklish it would feel when he kissed him. He was interrupted in his musings as the priest sat up, lowering his rosary into his lap. Kylo saw him glance to the side just enough to confirm that someone was next to him. 

“Please,” he said. “You may speak.”

“Forgive me-”

Kylo stopped suddenly as he saw the man jerk upright, his brown eyes wide and staring. Kylo’s heart soared as he realised the man recognised his voice; recognised it and was terrified of all it implied. Kylo licked his lips, willing his grin to subside long enough for him to speak. 

“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> C'est fini! I hope you've enjoyed this story, I've certainly enjoyed writing it. 
> 
> Thank you to G, everyone who talked to me about this, the people who left comments and kudos and basically everyone who encouraged me; you have no idea how much of a confidence boost this process has given me. Thank you all so much!
> 
> And there's now Art for this fic [here](https://glass-oceans.tumblr.com/post/160401282878/lead-us-not-into-temptation-chapter-7-has-now-been), completed by the fabulous [sigalawin](http://sigalawin.tumblr.com/).

**Author's Note:**

> "Father" and "my child" are used in this fic as traditional forms of address, and are not meant to imply that anyone is underage. 
> 
> With special thanks to my beta G, who had to edit a truly awful amount in this fic, and who will be getting a chapter two as thanks. 
> 
> I'm on tumblr [here](http://glass-oceans.tumblr.com/), ~~come say hi!~~ come join me in damnation.


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